You Are Not Alone

We all know that the holidays can be especially stressful. There’s a reason that bars and liquor stores do great business this time of year!

I was just out trying to find a present for a co-worker, and after two hours I came home completely “scattered, covered and smothered.” Those of you familiar with that feeling of needing to “check out” for a while will know what I mean.

Just your average Christmas shopping fatigue? Maybe, but perhaps that’s just an excuse. Maybe it’s time to own up to the fact that I’m a member of a certain club. I didn’t have to do any paperwork to join or put my signature on some dogmatic manifesto, and I don’t have to keep a card in my wallet or put a bumper-sticker on my car. I just know I belong.
Hi, my name is Emily, and I’m a couch potato.

Few people realize that it’s now the most prevalent (if unreported) group in this country. Couch potatoes, or CoPos as I like to call us, have an addiction that’s as simple as it is irresistible. We like to relax, we like to eat, and we like to watch TV. That’s powerful stuff – especially this time of year. There are variations on that theme, but for the most part, chillin’ to the TV with food is the trifecta calling to us like the sirens’ song. “Camelback with Cheez-Its and a sitcom!” “DVR on the davenport with Ding Dongs!” “Lean Cuisine and Lifetime on the loveseat!”

From blue-collar folks to secretaries to students to CEOs, the couch potato drug does not play favorites, and if you’re not careful, it can lead to harder stuff like ignoring the snooze button altogether and lying in bed all day.

Take this short quiz to determine if you’re a CoPo. True or False:
1. After getting home from work, it takes on average less than one hour from the time you walk through the door until the time your butt is on the couch.
2. The only reason No. 1 is not true is because your family needs to be taken care of first. So you’re on the couch within, say, two hours.
3. You have shirked your job or family responsibilities in favor of lying on the couch.
4. You spend not less than 15 hours a week either sitting or lying on the couch.
5. You find yourself thinking about or looking forward to sitting or lying on the couch at least once a day.
6. You often find that you cannot get up from the couch without intense physical, mental and emotional effort.
7. You often find yourself waking up in the morning, still on the couch wearing the clothes you wore the previous day, and have no recollection of the previous evening’s events.
8. You feel guilty about lying on the couch as much as you do.
9. In the past, you have gotten out of bed only to lie down on the couch first thing in the morning.
10. A friend, family member or health professional has suggested that you cut down on your “couch potato” time.

If you answered “true” to three or more of these questions, you can be pretty sure you’re a CoPo. Being one myself, I feel your pain. The shame, the embarrassment. But don’t feel too bad – you’re one of millions. And maybe someday we can actually attend some sort of meeting to trade stories, perhaps get some treatment. Or, we could just sit back and watch the game.

Playlist:
1. Sleeping with the Television On – Billy Joel
2. Couch Potato – "Weird Al" Yankovic
3. Chained to the Couch - The Devil Makes Three
4. Gilligan's Island – The Couch Potato All-Stars
5. Couch Surfin' – The Reverend Horton Heat
6. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights – Freddy Fender
7. Sitting on my Sofa – The Kinks
8. Sit Yourself Down – Stephen Stills
9. TV – Blink 182
10. Sofa (#1 & #2) – Frank Zappa