Seems like everyone you talk to is either sick, has been sick, feels like they're getting sick, or knows someone who's been sick. Here's a little musical guide for those of you suffering from "The Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu" (Dr. John).
* "Beds are Burning" (Midnight Oil) because you're feverish. First it's like a "Heat Wave" (Martha and the Vandellas), and then you’ll bundle up against that feeling of a “Cold Cold Heart” (Hank Williams).
* If you're tired of blowing your nose, you might feel "Born to Run" (Bruce Springsteen). “Try a Little Tenderness” (Otis Redding) and get some of those tissues with lotion in them. Just “Hold Your Head Up” (Argent) and hope for an “Even Flow” (Pearl Jam).
* If your sinuses are blocked, remember "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do" (Neil Sedaka). Just “Dream On” (Aerosmith) of the day you’ll once again be “Running on Empty” (Jackson Browne).
* Don’t trust just anybody’s opinion. “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” (Marvin Gaye). Better to “Hang On Sloopy” (The McCoys) and “Wait” (The Beatles) until you can see your doctor.
* The flu is contagious. It’s "Blowin' in the Wind" (Bob Dylan), so make sure the only thing you catch is the "Lovebug" (Jonas Brothers or George Strait).
* Don't spread germs to others; "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" (The Georgia Satellites).
* Try not to overdo it, and don’t go to work — just stay "Homesick" ( Ferlin Husky or The Vines) and "Take It Easy" (The Eagles).
* If a cold has gripped you “All Day and All of the Night” (The Kinks), just keep “Jammin’” (Bob Marley) pills so you can start “Feelin’ Alright” (Joe Cocker).
* Remember you’re not alone, because "Everybody Hurts" (R.E.M.), and the best medicine is still “Laughing” (The Guess Who)!
Showing posts with label just cuz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just cuz. Show all posts
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Weather or Not
All this rain we’ve had reminds me of when I lived on Cape Cod one summer.
It was a different kind of humidity, but vexing all the same. Towels never got a chance to dry out before you had to use them again. Doors and windows swelled stuck.
Here in East Tennessee, little puddles have grown and gained permanency to the point where you could more properly call them ponds. And of course, the mosquitoes have had a field day. The little stinkers are thick this year! Note to self: see about investing in “OFF!”
I don’t know the statistics, but I’d bet the local fair-weather industries like car washes and construction have sadly seen less business this summer.
Prolonged periods of precipitation depress some people. Ever felt like you’d just about sell your soul to see a blue sky?
There’s a short story by Ray Bradbury called “The Long Rain” that has stayed with me for years. The hellish plot involves some astronauts who are stranded on a planet where it never stops raining and there is no shelter. I personally have traveled thousands of miles in an effort to get away from rain and be someplace where I could feel the sun on my skin. Oh, and maybe hear some seagulls calling and waves crashing. But I digress. …
There are upsides, though, to our damp summer (Knoxville’s 10th wettest on record). Grassy lawns that are usually dead, stubbly beige by now are still green. The impatiens we planted back in May are still abloom. And we’ve had a bumper crop of pecans, so the squirrels are happy.
A mild summer and moist soil content should contribute to a more lengthy and intense period of fall foliage this autumn. Which brings us to my favorite time of year: October and “sweater weather” with that cool nip in the air. The smell of wood fires and hot apple cider. You know, after you’ve put your shorts and T-shirts in storage, but before you have to start scraping the frost off the windshield.
Has the summer rain been good or bad? Depends who you talk to. Like Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” We can talk about it, worry about it and prepare for it. But the weather is going to do what it wants regardless. Maybe that’s why we’re so in awe of it – there are so few things left in this world over which we have so little control.
As for me, I’m just going to sit and listen to the raindrops and know that this, too, shall pass.
Playlist:
1. September in the Rain — Frank Sinatra
2. Rain — The Beatles
3. Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again — The Fortunes
4. Baby the Rain Must Fall — Glenn Yarbrough
5. Don’t Rain on My Parade — Barbra Streisand
6. Flood — Jars of Clay
7. The Rain Song — Led Zeppelin
8. Rainy Day Man — James Taylor
9. Kentucky Rain — Elvis Presley
10. Who’ll Stop the Rain? — CCR
It was a different kind of humidity, but vexing all the same. Towels never got a chance to dry out before you had to use them again. Doors and windows swelled stuck.
Here in East Tennessee, little puddles have grown and gained permanency to the point where you could more properly call them ponds. And of course, the mosquitoes have had a field day. The little stinkers are thick this year! Note to self: see about investing in “OFF!”
I don’t know the statistics, but I’d bet the local fair-weather industries like car washes and construction have sadly seen less business this summer.
Prolonged periods of precipitation depress some people. Ever felt like you’d just about sell your soul to see a blue sky?
There’s a short story by Ray Bradbury called “The Long Rain” that has stayed with me for years. The hellish plot involves some astronauts who are stranded on a planet where it never stops raining and there is no shelter. I personally have traveled thousands of miles in an effort to get away from rain and be someplace where I could feel the sun on my skin. Oh, and maybe hear some seagulls calling and waves crashing. But I digress. …
There are upsides, though, to our damp summer (Knoxville’s 10th wettest on record). Grassy lawns that are usually dead, stubbly beige by now are still green. The impatiens we planted back in May are still abloom. And we’ve had a bumper crop of pecans, so the squirrels are happy.
A mild summer and moist soil content should contribute to a more lengthy and intense period of fall foliage this autumn. Which brings us to my favorite time of year: October and “sweater weather” with that cool nip in the air. The smell of wood fires and hot apple cider. You know, after you’ve put your shorts and T-shirts in storage, but before you have to start scraping the frost off the windshield.
Has the summer rain been good or bad? Depends who you talk to. Like Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” We can talk about it, worry about it and prepare for it. But the weather is going to do what it wants regardless. Maybe that’s why we’re so in awe of it – there are so few things left in this world over which we have so little control.
As for me, I’m just going to sit and listen to the raindrops and know that this, too, shall pass.
Playlist:
1. September in the Rain — Frank Sinatra
2. Rain — The Beatles
3. Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again — The Fortunes
4. Baby the Rain Must Fall — Glenn Yarbrough
5. Don’t Rain on My Parade — Barbra Streisand
6. Flood — Jars of Clay
7. The Rain Song — Led Zeppelin
8. Rainy Day Man — James Taylor
9. Kentucky Rain — Elvis Presley
10. Who’ll Stop the Rain? — CCR
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Emily's Laws of Physics
Throughout our universe, many different physical laws of nature are constantly in play – some miraculous, some mundane. Here are just a few absolutes they never taught in science class:
Fido-Vector Paradox: If you own a dog, whatever path you take to get from one place in your house to another will invariably be impeded by this sprawling, slobbering road block of canine love. I think my dog studied with Euclid.
Heisenberg Soap Uncertainty Principle: This hypothesis states that you may be aware of the soap shrinking, but you can never be certain that it’s actually too small to use until you’re already in the shower, sopping wet.
Flatware Phenomenon: When searching the dish-drainer for a clean spoon, you will without fail choose someone else’s favorite out of the mass, requiring you to pick again. Someone in your family does have a favorite spoon, right?
Schrödinger’s Lawnmower: Is your lawn mower alive or dead? You’ll only know after you’ve generously applied sunscreen and bug spray and put on your gloves, hat and goggles. Never before that!
Seasonal Plumbing Certainty: The number of times it takes to remember to unhook the hose in the fall after shutting off the valve, thereby preventing next spring’s busted pipe and subsequent $75 plumber’s fee, is exactly three.
Freshness-to-Funk Causality Loop: No matter how much laundry you do, the hamper will always be full. In fact, you can actually use E=mc2 to prove that washing the clothes more and more frequently will eventually create a wormhole that sucks the clean clothes back into the hamper before they’re even worn again.
Ford/Fission Improbability Effect: This is the unlikelihood of someone new to the area walking up to you and asking, “Do you know where I can find a really good quantum mechanic?”
Playlist:
1. Across the Universe — The Beatles
2. Secret O’ Life — James Taylor
3. I Fought the Law — Green Day
4. Isn’t Life Strange — The Moody Blues
5. That’s the Way of the World — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. How Little We Know — Frank Sinatra
7. Black Hole Sun — Soundgarden
8. The Meaning of Life — Monty Python
9. This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads
10. I Know But I Don’t Know — Blondie
Fido-Vector Paradox: If you own a dog, whatever path you take to get from one place in your house to another will invariably be impeded by this sprawling, slobbering road block of canine love. I think my dog studied with Euclid.
Heisenberg Soap Uncertainty Principle: This hypothesis states that you may be aware of the soap shrinking, but you can never be certain that it’s actually too small to use until you’re already in the shower, sopping wet.
Flatware Phenomenon: When searching the dish-drainer for a clean spoon, you will without fail choose someone else’s favorite out of the mass, requiring you to pick again. Someone in your family does have a favorite spoon, right?
Schrödinger’s Lawnmower: Is your lawn mower alive or dead? You’ll only know after you’ve generously applied sunscreen and bug spray and put on your gloves, hat and goggles. Never before that!
Seasonal Plumbing Certainty: The number of times it takes to remember to unhook the hose in the fall after shutting off the valve, thereby preventing next spring’s busted pipe and subsequent $75 plumber’s fee, is exactly three.
Freshness-to-Funk Causality Loop: No matter how much laundry you do, the hamper will always be full. In fact, you can actually use E=mc2 to prove that washing the clothes more and more frequently will eventually create a wormhole that sucks the clean clothes back into the hamper before they’re even worn again.
Ford/Fission Improbability Effect: This is the unlikelihood of someone new to the area walking up to you and asking, “Do you know where I can find a really good quantum mechanic?”
Playlist:
1. Across the Universe — The Beatles
2. Secret O’ Life — James Taylor
3. I Fought the Law — Green Day
4. Isn’t Life Strange — The Moody Blues
5. That’s the Way of the World — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. How Little We Know — Frank Sinatra
7. Black Hole Sun — Soundgarden
8. The Meaning of Life — Monty Python
9. This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads
10. I Know But I Don’t Know — Blondie
Sunday, April 12, 2009
An "Ouch!" of prevention
I knew I had to get it done. A woman my age just doesn’t mess with these things – or at least she shouldn’t! I’d put it off for far too long, but the day finally came that I had to have
… a mammogram.
What can I say about having a mammogram that hasn’t already been said? It’s an unpleasant experience under the best of circumstances, and God willing, that’s as bad as it gets.
Some women would just about rather walk barefoot on broken glass than go for a mammogram. But you go because it’s the right thing to do. You do it, and it’s a small price to pay if you can get those results back that tell you everything’s A-OK. That’s a first-class ticket to a beautiful place called Peace Of Mind.
Really, what are the drawbacks? Let’s take a less-than-serious look at what you’re up against, pun intended.
* It’s one more thing to have to think about in the midst of an already pressing schedule. And finding a spare hour or two can be difficult if you’re slammed at work.
* Once you decide to face the cold, hard facts, you probably won’t be able to get an appointment right away. It might be two months or more before the radiologist can squeeze you in.
* Insurance companies are notorious for pinching every penny they can out of their customers, but for the most part, they will cover the cost of a yearly mammogram. But for the uninsured or under-insured, you’ll have to foot the bill yourself, which is not easy if you’re on a tight budget.
( The folks at the doctor’s office are usually eager to help squash any remaining doubts you may have about being uncomfortable with your exam, which by the way is one test that you don’t have to cram for.)
* It’s an embarrassing walk down the chilly hallway past the other womenfolk in your flimsy robe. “Wear open to the front” is code for this: in the span of that 20-foot march, you’ll be flashing like a neon sign.
* When you finally make it to the dreaded apparatus, just keep in mind that the technician who runs the machine has handled this task about a thousand times, and she’s probably having about as much fun as you are!
All kidding aside, if you’re a woman over 40, it’s a preventative measure you shouldn’t put off. I fussed and fretted and worried about it for months. But actually, except for the outdated magazines, my mammogram wasn’t all that bad. The women there were all experienced, friendly and professional. And on a pain scale of 1 to 100, 100 being breast cancer, this was about a 2. You do the math.
Playlist:
1. Hurt – Johnny Cash
2. Put It Off Until Tomorrow – Loretta Lynn
3. It Takes Two – Marvin Gaye
4. Pushin’ Too Hard – The Seeds
5. Hold Me Tight – The Beatles
6. Try a Little Tenderness – Otis Redding
7. Squeeze Box – The Who
8. Under Pressure – Queen & David Bowie
9. Hurt So Bad – Little Anthony & The Imperials
10. Big Iron – Marty Robbins
… a mammogram.
What can I say about having a mammogram that hasn’t already been said? It’s an unpleasant experience under the best of circumstances, and God willing, that’s as bad as it gets.
Some women would just about rather walk barefoot on broken glass than go for a mammogram. But you go because it’s the right thing to do. You do it, and it’s a small price to pay if you can get those results back that tell you everything’s A-OK. That’s a first-class ticket to a beautiful place called Peace Of Mind.
Really, what are the drawbacks? Let’s take a less-than-serious look at what you’re up against, pun intended.
* It’s one more thing to have to think about in the midst of an already pressing schedule. And finding a spare hour or two can be difficult if you’re slammed at work.
* Once you decide to face the cold, hard facts, you probably won’t be able to get an appointment right away. It might be two months or more before the radiologist can squeeze you in.
* Insurance companies are notorious for pinching every penny they can out of their customers, but for the most part, they will cover the cost of a yearly mammogram. But for the uninsured or under-insured, you’ll have to foot the bill yourself, which is not easy if you’re on a tight budget.
( The folks at the doctor’s office are usually eager to help squash any remaining doubts you may have about being uncomfortable with your exam, which by the way is one test that you don’t have to cram for.)
* It’s an embarrassing walk down the chilly hallway past the other womenfolk in your flimsy robe. “Wear open to the front” is code for this: in the span of that 20-foot march, you’ll be flashing like a neon sign.
* When you finally make it to the dreaded apparatus, just keep in mind that the technician who runs the machine has handled this task about a thousand times, and she’s probably having about as much fun as you are!
All kidding aside, if you’re a woman over 40, it’s a preventative measure you shouldn’t put off. I fussed and fretted and worried about it for months. But actually, except for the outdated magazines, my mammogram wasn’t all that bad. The women there were all experienced, friendly and professional. And on a pain scale of 1 to 100, 100 being breast cancer, this was about a 2. You do the math.
Playlist:
1. Hurt – Johnny Cash
2. Put It Off Until Tomorrow – Loretta Lynn
3. It Takes Two – Marvin Gaye
4. Pushin’ Too Hard – The Seeds
5. Hold Me Tight – The Beatles
6. Try a Little Tenderness – Otis Redding
7. Squeeze Box – The Who
8. Under Pressure – Queen & David Bowie
9. Hurt So Bad – Little Anthony & The Imperials
10. Big Iron – Marty Robbins
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Dim Sun Serves Up Sadness
The official start of spring may be March 21, but I’m not feeling it yet!
Right about now, it seems like winter will never end. I blame my blues on the cold temps and cloudy skies. It feels like my neck is permanently squinched up from huddling against the chills. In short, there’s nothing wrong with me that a good full-body massage and a couple of weeks in the Caribbean wouldn’t fix right up!
I think there’s some truth to the idea that wintertime itself is what’s bringing me down. Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a type of depression characterized by wintertime weight gain, fatigue, craving for sweet and starchy foods, and tendency to oversleep.
According to experts, the likely culprit is lack of sunlight.
Scandinavians are prone to SAD, as are Alaskans. The further you get from the equator, the weaker the sunlight is, and in the winter when the sun is farthest from the Earth, that extra distance is all it takes to push you over the edge and into a first-rate funk.
You can buy a fancy light box and sit near it (but don’t look directly at it). Just as good: go outside and soak up some sun! If it’s February and you’re having trouble concentrating, stop squinting at your computer, stand up, get outside and turn your chin up to the sky for 10 minutes or so. And moving around while you’re out there won’t hurt either. If you’re feeling down and out, don’t go postal; take a brisk 10-minute walk and kick-start those endorphins into action!
It’s no surprise that many northerners head to Florida every winter. I’ve heard them referred to as snowbirds. Although there’s also a lucky contingent that live up in the land of the Yankees in the summer and fall, stay in Florida for the winter and stop somewhere in Appalachia for a few months – or the rest of their lives – to enjoy our awe-inspiring springs. I call them halfbacks.
Various pop songs have made reference to SAD. I’ll now paraphrase some lines from an old chestnut:
“Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face
(I know you miss that big bright ball of warmth that used to be up in the sky. Try not to dwell on the fact that it’s colder outside than a brass commode in an igloo.)
Brush off the clouds and cheer up, put on a happy face
(Goodness – I actually don’t need to wear a scarf today! Hey, the dog has started shedding again. And are those crocuses I see budding up through the snow?)
… and spread sunshine all over the place, just put on a happy face!”
(When you smile, you can be the sunshine in someone else’s day! Alternately, you can put them on a plane to a Miami hotel with spa service and a mini-bar. Your call!)
Playlist:
1. Sometimes in Winter – Blood Sweat & Tears
2. Seasons in the Sun – Me First & the Gimme Gimmes
3. Hazy Shade of Winter – Simon & Garfunkel
4. Too Cold in the Winter – Cry of Love
5. Invisible Sun – The Police
6. In the Winter – Janis Ian
7. Cold Day in the Sun – Foo Fighters
8. I’ll Follow the Sun – The Beatles
9. The Warmth of the Sun – The Beach Boys
10. Florida – Patty Griffin
Right about now, it seems like winter will never end. I blame my blues on the cold temps and cloudy skies. It feels like my neck is permanently squinched up from huddling against the chills. In short, there’s nothing wrong with me that a good full-body massage and a couple of weeks in the Caribbean wouldn’t fix right up!
I think there’s some truth to the idea that wintertime itself is what’s bringing me down. Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a type of depression characterized by wintertime weight gain, fatigue, craving for sweet and starchy foods, and tendency to oversleep.
According to experts, the likely culprit is lack of sunlight.
Scandinavians are prone to SAD, as are Alaskans. The further you get from the equator, the weaker the sunlight is, and in the winter when the sun is farthest from the Earth, that extra distance is all it takes to push you over the edge and into a first-rate funk.
You can buy a fancy light box and sit near it (but don’t look directly at it). Just as good: go outside and soak up some sun! If it’s February and you’re having trouble concentrating, stop squinting at your computer, stand up, get outside and turn your chin up to the sky for 10 minutes or so. And moving around while you’re out there won’t hurt either. If you’re feeling down and out, don’t go postal; take a brisk 10-minute walk and kick-start those endorphins into action!
It’s no surprise that many northerners head to Florida every winter. I’ve heard them referred to as snowbirds. Although there’s also a lucky contingent that live up in the land of the Yankees in the summer and fall, stay in Florida for the winter and stop somewhere in Appalachia for a few months – or the rest of their lives – to enjoy our awe-inspiring springs. I call them halfbacks.
Various pop songs have made reference to SAD. I’ll now paraphrase some lines from an old chestnut:
“Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face
(I know you miss that big bright ball of warmth that used to be up in the sky. Try not to dwell on the fact that it’s colder outside than a brass commode in an igloo.)
Brush off the clouds and cheer up, put on a happy face
(Goodness – I actually don’t need to wear a scarf today! Hey, the dog has started shedding again. And are those crocuses I see budding up through the snow?)
… and spread sunshine all over the place, just put on a happy face!”
(When you smile, you can be the sunshine in someone else’s day! Alternately, you can put them on a plane to a Miami hotel with spa service and a mini-bar. Your call!)
Playlist:
1. Sometimes in Winter – Blood Sweat & Tears
2. Seasons in the Sun – Me First & the Gimme Gimmes
3. Hazy Shade of Winter – Simon & Garfunkel
4. Too Cold in the Winter – Cry of Love
5. Invisible Sun – The Police
6. In the Winter – Janis Ian
7. Cold Day in the Sun – Foo Fighters
8. I’ll Follow the Sun – The Beatles
9. The Warmth of the Sun – The Beach Boys
10. Florida – Patty Griffin
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sing Along with Scrooge
The other day I got an e-mail that I was leery to open at first, because it looked like one of those bad jokes that get forwarded over and over, or the latest round of predictably “aaawwww”-inspiring puppy pictures.
But it was about a parody that was supposedly performed by Julie Andrews at an AARP meeting some years ago. Geriatric lyrics had been written for the old song “My Favorite Things” from “The Sound of Music.” The lyrics were funny and clever, never mind the fact that it’s probably just a myth that Andrews ever sang them.
No matter – it nevertheless inspired me to do my own Christmas version of the same song. Even though I’m a die-hard curmudgeon, there’s always a point, usually sometime after Dec. 18 or so, that I manage to “get the Christmas spirit,” and I kvell up just thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. It’s usually right after watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street” or some such treacle. Darn it, I can’t help it!
But I’m a little bit Scrooge, too.
And with the country’s current economic problems, I seem to be having an especially hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. So sing along as you read, Knoxville, and see if you can relate to …
____________________________________________
My Unfavorite Things
Raindrops on rooftops for 13 days running
When I’d much rather have snowfall or sunning
Seems it’s been pouring since I don’t know when
This is just one of my unfavorite things
TV ads blaring their holiday bargains ***
Please change the channel or turn down the volume
I can’t afford any serious bling
This is one more of my unfavorite things
Parties and goodies expanding my bottom
Gifts I don’t care for but hey, now I got ’em
Old worn-out carols we still have to sing
These are a few of my unfavorite things
When the fruitcake comes from Grandma
When the bills appear
I try not to think of my unfavorite things
And I’ll make it to next year!
Bailouts, foreclosures, and we’re the ones paying
Not in the mood for the mall’s all I’m saying
Long lines with cell phones that constantly ring
These are a few of my unfavorite things
His ’n’ her bikes with assembly instructions
Translating Chinese to English is such fun
Soon I can’t make out my yang from my yin
This is one more of my unfavorite things
Pageants and concerts and “Sugar Plum Fairy”
So many lights in one plug that it’s scary
Then one bulb burns out and shoots the whole string
These are a few of my unfavorite things
When the reason for the season
Gets completely lost
I try to forget all my unfavorite things,
Drink egg nog and get quite sauced!
________________________________________
***
Here’s hoping you’re already filled with the Christmas spirit! Now if we can just hold on to that all through the year …
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Playlist:
1. If We Make It Through December – Merle Haggard
2. God Give Me Strength – Elvis Costello
3. Strapped for Cash – Fountains of Wayne
4. Earn Enough for Us – XTC
5. What Do I Get? – The Buzzcocks
6. I Me Mine - The Beatles
7. Be Thankful For What You Got – William DeVaughn
8. Holiday – Jet
9. Holiday – The Subways
10. The Package – Psycho Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
But it was about a parody that was supposedly performed by Julie Andrews at an AARP meeting some years ago. Geriatric lyrics had been written for the old song “My Favorite Things” from “The Sound of Music.” The lyrics were funny and clever, never mind the fact that it’s probably just a myth that Andrews ever sang them.
No matter – it nevertheless inspired me to do my own Christmas version of the same song. Even though I’m a die-hard curmudgeon, there’s always a point, usually sometime after Dec. 18 or so, that I manage to “get the Christmas spirit,” and I kvell up just thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. It’s usually right after watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street” or some such treacle. Darn it, I can’t help it!
But I’m a little bit Scrooge, too.
And with the country’s current economic problems, I seem to be having an especially hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. So sing along as you read, Knoxville, and see if you can relate to …
____________________________________________
My Unfavorite Things
Raindrops on rooftops for 13 days running
When I’d much rather have snowfall or sunning
Seems it’s been pouring since I don’t know when
This is just one of my unfavorite things
TV ads blaring their holiday bargains ***
Please change the channel or turn down the volume
I can’t afford any serious bling
This is one more of my unfavorite things
Parties and goodies expanding my bottom
Gifts I don’t care for but hey, now I got ’em
Old worn-out carols we still have to sing
These are a few of my unfavorite things
When the fruitcake comes from Grandma
When the bills appear
I try not to think of my unfavorite things
And I’ll make it to next year!
Bailouts, foreclosures, and we’re the ones paying
Not in the mood for the mall’s all I’m saying
Long lines with cell phones that constantly ring
These are a few of my unfavorite things
His ’n’ her bikes with assembly instructions
Translating Chinese to English is such fun
Soon I can’t make out my yang from my yin
This is one more of my unfavorite things
Pageants and concerts and “Sugar Plum Fairy”
So many lights in one plug that it’s scary
Then one bulb burns out and shoots the whole string
These are a few of my unfavorite things
When the reason for the season
Gets completely lost
I try to forget all my unfavorite things,
Drink egg nog and get quite sauced!
________________________________________
***
Here’s hoping you’re already filled with the Christmas spirit! Now if we can just hold on to that all through the year …
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Playlist:
1. If We Make It Through December – Merle Haggard
2. God Give Me Strength – Elvis Costello
3. Strapped for Cash – Fountains of Wayne
4. Earn Enough for Us – XTC
5. What Do I Get? – The Buzzcocks
6. I Me Mine - The Beatles
7. Be Thankful For What You Got – William DeVaughn
8. Holiday – Jet
9. Holiday – The Subways
10. The Package – Psycho Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Sunday, December 14, 2008
You Are Not Alone
We all know that the holidays can be especially stressful. There’s a reason that bars and liquor stores do great business this time of year!
I was just out trying to find a present for a co-worker, and after two hours I came home completely “scattered, covered and smothered.” Those of you familiar with that feeling of needing to “check out” for a while will know what I mean.
Just your average Christmas shopping fatigue? Maybe, but perhaps that’s just an excuse. Maybe it’s time to own up to the fact that I’m a member of a certain club. I didn’t have to do any paperwork to join or put my signature on some dogmatic manifesto, and I don’t have to keep a card in my wallet or put a bumper-sticker on my car. I just know I belong.
Hi, my name is Emily, and I’m a couch potato.
Few people realize that it’s now the most prevalent (if unreported) group in this country. Couch potatoes, or CoPos as I like to call us, have an addiction that’s as simple as it is irresistible. We like to relax, we like to eat, and we like to watch TV. That’s powerful stuff – especially this time of year. There are variations on that theme, but for the most part, chillin’ to the TV with food is the trifecta calling to us like the sirens’ song. “Camelback with Cheez-Its and a sitcom!” “DVR on the davenport with Ding Dongs!” “Lean Cuisine and Lifetime on the loveseat!”
From blue-collar folks to secretaries to students to CEOs, the couch potato drug does not play favorites, and if you’re not careful, it can lead to harder stuff like ignoring the snooze button altogether and lying in bed all day.
Take this short quiz to determine if you’re a CoPo. True or False:
1. After getting home from work, it takes on average less than one hour from the time you walk through the door until the time your butt is on the couch.
2. The only reason No. 1 is not true is because your family needs to be taken care of first. So you’re on the couch within, say, two hours.
3. You have shirked your job or family responsibilities in favor of lying on the couch.
4. You spend not less than 15 hours a week either sitting or lying on the couch.
5. You find yourself thinking about or looking forward to sitting or lying on the couch at least once a day.
6. You often find that you cannot get up from the couch without intense physical, mental and emotional effort.
7. You often find yourself waking up in the morning, still on the couch wearing the clothes you wore the previous day, and have no recollection of the previous evening’s events.
8. You feel guilty about lying on the couch as much as you do.
9. In the past, you have gotten out of bed only to lie down on the couch first thing in the morning.
10. A friend, family member or health professional has suggested that you cut down on your “couch potato” time.
If you answered “true” to three or more of these questions, you can be pretty sure you’re a CoPo. Being one myself, I feel your pain. The shame, the embarrassment. But don’t feel too bad – you’re one of millions. And maybe someday we can actually attend some sort of meeting to trade stories, perhaps get some treatment. Or, we could just sit back and watch the game.
Playlist:
1. Sleeping with the Television On – Billy Joel
2. Couch Potato – "Weird Al" Yankovic
3. Chained to the Couch - The Devil Makes Three
4. Gilligan's Island – The Couch Potato All-Stars
5. Couch Surfin' – The Reverend Horton Heat
6. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights – Freddy Fender
7. Sitting on my Sofa – The Kinks
8. Sit Yourself Down – Stephen Stills
9. TV – Blink 182
10. Sofa (#1 & #2) – Frank Zappa
I was just out trying to find a present for a co-worker, and after two hours I came home completely “scattered, covered and smothered.” Those of you familiar with that feeling of needing to “check out” for a while will know what I mean.
Just your average Christmas shopping fatigue? Maybe, but perhaps that’s just an excuse. Maybe it’s time to own up to the fact that I’m a member of a certain club. I didn’t have to do any paperwork to join or put my signature on some dogmatic manifesto, and I don’t have to keep a card in my wallet or put a bumper-sticker on my car. I just know I belong.
Hi, my name is Emily, and I’m a couch potato.
Few people realize that it’s now the most prevalent (if unreported) group in this country. Couch potatoes, or CoPos as I like to call us, have an addiction that’s as simple as it is irresistible. We like to relax, we like to eat, and we like to watch TV. That’s powerful stuff – especially this time of year. There are variations on that theme, but for the most part, chillin’ to the TV with food is the trifecta calling to us like the sirens’ song. “Camelback with Cheez-Its and a sitcom!” “DVR on the davenport with Ding Dongs!” “Lean Cuisine and Lifetime on the loveseat!”
From blue-collar folks to secretaries to students to CEOs, the couch potato drug does not play favorites, and if you’re not careful, it can lead to harder stuff like ignoring the snooze button altogether and lying in bed all day.
Take this short quiz to determine if you’re a CoPo. True or False:
1. After getting home from work, it takes on average less than one hour from the time you walk through the door until the time your butt is on the couch.
2. The only reason No. 1 is not true is because your family needs to be taken care of first. So you’re on the couch within, say, two hours.
3. You have shirked your job or family responsibilities in favor of lying on the couch.
4. You spend not less than 15 hours a week either sitting or lying on the couch.
5. You find yourself thinking about or looking forward to sitting or lying on the couch at least once a day.
6. You often find that you cannot get up from the couch without intense physical, mental and emotional effort.
7. You often find yourself waking up in the morning, still on the couch wearing the clothes you wore the previous day, and have no recollection of the previous evening’s events.
8. You feel guilty about lying on the couch as much as you do.
9. In the past, you have gotten out of bed only to lie down on the couch first thing in the morning.
10. A friend, family member or health professional has suggested that you cut down on your “couch potato” time.
If you answered “true” to three or more of these questions, you can be pretty sure you’re a CoPo. Being one myself, I feel your pain. The shame, the embarrassment. But don’t feel too bad – you’re one of millions. And maybe someday we can actually attend some sort of meeting to trade stories, perhaps get some treatment. Or, we could just sit back and watch the game.
Playlist:
1. Sleeping with the Television On – Billy Joel
2. Couch Potato – "Weird Al" Yankovic
3. Chained to the Couch - The Devil Makes Three
4. Gilligan's Island – The Couch Potato All-Stars
5. Couch Surfin' – The Reverend Horton Heat
6. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights – Freddy Fender
7. Sitting on my Sofa – The Kinks
8. Sit Yourself Down – Stephen Stills
9. TV – Blink 182
10. Sofa (#1 & #2) – Frank Zappa
