Sing Along with Scrooge

The other day I got an e-mail that I was leery to open at first, because it looked like one of those bad jokes that get forwarded over and over, or the latest round of predictably “aaawwww”-inspiring puppy pictures.

But it was about a parody that was supposedly performed by Julie Andrews at an AARP meeting some years ago. Geriatric lyrics had been written for the old song “My Favorite Things” from “The Sound of Music.” The lyrics were funny and clever, never mind the fact that it’s probably just a myth that Andrews ever sang them.
No matter – it nevertheless inspired me to do my own Christmas version of the same song. Even though I’m a die-hard curmudgeon, there’s always a point, usually sometime after Dec. 18 or so, that I manage to “get the Christmas spirit,” and I kvell up just thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. It’s usually right after watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street” or some such treacle. Darn it, I can’t help it!
But I’m a little bit Scrooge, too.

And with the country’s current economic problems, I seem to be having an especially hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. So sing along as you read, Knoxville, and see if you can relate to …
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My Unfavorite Things
Raindrops on rooftops for 13 days running
When I’d much rather have snowfall or sunning
Seems it’s been pouring since I don’t know when
This is just one of my unfavorite things

TV ads blaring their holiday bargains ***
Please change the channel or turn down the volume
I can’t afford any serious bling
This is one more of my unfavorite things

Parties and goodies expanding my bottom
Gifts I don’t care for but hey, now I got ’em
Old worn-out carols we still have to sing
These are a few of my unfavorite things

When the fruitcake comes from Grandma
When the bills appear
I try not to think of my unfavorite things
And I’ll make it to next year!

Bailouts, foreclosures, and we’re the ones paying
Not in the mood for the mall’s all I’m saying
Long lines with cell phones that constantly ring
These are a few of my unfavorite things

His ’n’ her bikes with assembly instructions
Translating Chinese to English is such fun
Soon I can’t make out my yang from my yin
This is one more of my unfavorite things

Pageants and concerts and “Sugar Plum Fairy”
So many lights in one plug that it’s scary
Then one bulb burns out and shoots the whole string
These are a few of my unfavorite things

When the reason for the season
Gets completely lost
I try to forget all my unfavorite things,
Drink egg nog and get quite sauced!
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***

Here’s hoping you’re already filled with the Christmas spirit! Now if we can just hold on to that all through the year …
Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Playlist:
1. If We Make It Through December – Merle Haggard
2. God Give Me Strength – Elvis Costello
3. Strapped for Cash – Fountains of Wayne
4. Earn Enough for Us – XTC
5. What Do I Get? – The Buzzcocks
6. I Me Mine - The Beatles
7. Be Thankful For What You Got – William DeVaughn
8. Holiday – Jet
9. Holiday – The Subways
10. The Package – Psycho Original Motion Picture Soundtrack