Emily's Laws of Physics

Throughout our universe, many different physical laws of nature are constantly in play – some miraculous, some mundane. Here are just a few absolutes they never taught in science class:
Fido-Vector Paradox: If you own a dog, whatever path you take to get from one place in your house to another will invariably be impeded by this sprawling, slobbering road block of canine love. I think my dog studied with Euclid.
Heisenberg Soap Uncertainty Principle: This hypothesis states that you may be aware of the soap shrinking, but you can never be certain that it’s actually too small to use until you’re already in the shower, sopping wet.

Flatware Phenomenon: When searching the dish-drainer for a clean spoon, you will without fail choose someone else’s favorite out of the mass, requiring you to pick again. Someone in your family does have a favorite spoon, right?
Schrödinger’s Lawnmower: Is your lawn mower alive or dead? You’ll only know after you’ve generously applied sunscreen and bug spray and put on your gloves, hat and goggles. Never before that!

Seasonal Plumbing Certainty: The number of times it takes to remember to unhook the hose in the fall after shutting off the valve, thereby preventing next spring’s busted pipe and subsequent $75 plumber’s fee, is exactly three.
Freshness-to-Funk Causality Loop: No matter how much laundry you do, the hamper will always be full. In fact, you can actually use E=mc2 to prove that washing the clothes more and more frequently will eventually create a wormhole that sucks the clean clothes back into the hamper before they’re even worn again.
Ford/Fission Improbability Effect: This is the unlikelihood of someone new to the area walking up to you and asking, “Do you know where I can find a really good quantum mechanic?”

Playlist:
1. Across the Universe — The Beatles
2. Secret O’ Life — James Taylor
3. I Fought the Law — Green Day
4. Isn’t Life Strange — The Moody Blues
5. That’s the Way of the World — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. How Little We Know — Frank Sinatra
7. Black Hole Sun — Soundgarden
8. The Meaning of Life — Monty Python
9. This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads
10. I Know But I Don’t Know — Blondie