Driving Me Crazy

Why can’t everyone drive like me? Not to brag, but I’ve been at it for 32-plus years, and I’ve never had an accident.
My acceptance speech at the Oscars of Driving would start with: “I’d like to thank the members of the academy, my high school driver’s ed. teacher and all the terrible drivers who are constant reminders of how not to drive.”
You, too, can win:
* Be patient. Sounds easy, but it’s hard to drive slowly when you’re about to miss the cut-off time for Shoney’s breakfast bar. Yes, the biscuits are good, but speeding isn’t worth your life (or someone else’s).

* Margin of air. Always aim for a cushion of air between your car and any other vehicle. The more the better! I prefer to maintain the length of a football field all the way around. Add another 50 yards for drivers talking on their cell phones.

* Double exposure. Headlights and turn signals are your best defense against having your chrome crumpled or worse. Turn on those headlights as soon as the sun goes down, and whenever it’s raining. It’s not about you being able to see – it’s about others being able to see you. Same goes for using your turn signals. The sooner other drivers can tell where you’re going, the better they can avoid running into you.

Profound statement of the day: I don’t think most drivers think about driving while they’re driving. In fact, some don’t seem to be thinking at all. They don’t get that they’re piloting a potentially lethal 2-ton weapon on wheels.
If my luck holds out, no one will be confirming that theory for me any time soon.
Playlist:
1. She Drives Me Crazy — Fine Young Cannibals
2. Life Is A Highway — Tom Cochrane
3. Drive My Car — The Beatles
4. Damn This Traffic Jam — James Taylor
5. Stay Away — Nirvana
6. Driving My Life Away — Eddie Rabbitt
7. Drive — Joe 90
8. Nice ‘n’ Easy — Frank Sinatra
9. Driver 8 — R.E.M.
10. See Me, Feel Me — The Who