If You Need Me, I'll Call You

I hate cell phones. So pardon me if I’m cranky towards all the people walking around with them permanently attached to their heads. I just don’t get it!
Back when there were only “land lines,” my biggest headache was telemarketers calling me during dinner. When the answering machine was invented, I could avoid that nuisance by “letting the machine pick up.” All was right with the world.

Then came the cell phone. On my stress-buster list, No. 2 (after winning the lottery) would be throwing my cell phone off the nearest cliff. I only got it for emergencies. Yet somehow it’s become something I’m supposed to carry all the time. Remember being able to say “I’m on vacation. You won’t be able to reach me ’til the 10th?” Selective unavailability should be one of the hallmarks of a civilized culture.
I might sound like a crazy old lady, but I cherish my “me-time,” don’t you?

Just hearing everybody’s loud, silly ringtones is enough to drive you nuts. A friend tells me that mine is a manic little version of Chopin’s “Etude in Gb Major, Opus 10, No. 5.” Sort of sounds like a toy piano on speed. How, she wonders, would Chopin feel about that? Is he spinning around in his grave, his restless spirit urging me to put my cell on vibrate?
And while we’re at it, I wonder how Mr. Beethoven would feel knowing that one of his greatest symphonies is now known to most as the theme to “Judge Judy.” But I digress. …
You know what happens when you opt not to answer your cell phone. The caller leaves a voicemail message, and once the little box starts beeping and flashing, I dare the strongest of you not to grab the darn thing and start punching in your access code. We can’t resist the temptation to hear what’s on there! We’re slaves to this tiny rectangular ball-and-chain. And we get charged extra for retrieving messages. As I listen to the relentlessly perky instructions of the voicemail monitor in the sky, I’m thinking, “why am I doing this?”
A different awful: the person who doesn’t answer their cell phone when you call. This results in your having to leave a detailed message, only to have the person call you back within seconds of your hanging up. Again, the cell phone companies seem to be the only winners here.
From what I can see, cell phones are looking less like communication and more like a drug.
Why does everyone seem to have this insatiable need to be constantly connected to someone else? Could it be that they are stuck in a habit of nonawareness, unable to see or experience the world firsthand? Apparently we can’t just sit and enjoy a peaceful sunny afternoon under a tree. We need to check in with work. We need to describe the tree to our Facebook friends. We need to make sure someone else does something as promised. Anything but being in the here and now. I’d hate to think that people have decided to save time by just discarding that concept altogether.
Maybe if we all weren’t so busy calling each other, we could really keep in touch – with reality, that is.

Playlist:
1. Don’t Call Us - We’ll Call You — Sugarloaf
2. How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away — Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks
3. Ring-A-Ding Ding — Frank Sinatra
4. Call and Answer —Barenaked Ladies
5. Hanging on the Telephone — Blondie
6. Quiet Nights — Diana Krall
7. No Phone — Cake
8. Little Red Light — Fountains of Wayne
9. Telephone Line — ELO
10. Call Me — Al Green