Black, White, and Gray All Over

An online glossary defines the phrase “fuzzy logic” as “a way of reasoning that can cope with uncertain or partial information. …” Starting out as a mathematics theory about conclusions based on imprecise data, fuzzy logic is now variously used to describe a set of artificial intelligence parameters, an alcoholic drink and a 1996 album by the Super Furry Animals.

I might investigate the cocktail and the rock band later, but for now I’ll stick to the reasoning theory. Fuzzy logic has fascinated me ever since I was introduced to the concept. At last – an expression for life’s absurdity!

Fuzzy logic reflects the quirky way we humans have of doing things. Take language, for instance. Adjectives like “bright,” “dark,” “small” or “unusual” work fine for most of us, but computer programmers have trouble basing a digital platform on that kind of terminology.

My own personal application of the term has come to mean any practice or deduction based on faulty, missing, accidental or unexplainable information. And like the guy back in ancient times who decided that his own “foot” was a handy standard unit of measure, oftentimes fuzzy logic catches on and becomes the status quo.

A good example of this was the development of the common length of the average popular song. Before the invention of recorded music, songs could last pretty much as long as one wanted, so storytelling troubadours piled on the verses ad infinitum.

But when a medium was invented to play recorded music, the standardization of materials required a limit on the length of the presentation.

Wax cylinders of the early 20th century played for about two minutes. Next, 10-inch “78 rpm” records lasted about three minutes per side, but their impact on our lives has lasted much longer. The result of that fuzzy logic: ever since then, most popular songs are about three minutes long. In the 1950s, the introduction of the 12-inch vinyl LPs (about 20 minutes per side) didn’t change the half-decade of listening habits that held us to that old three-minute mindset. The average length of a pop song didn’t change, and still hasn’t – all because Thomas Edison’s invention happened to hold just that much information.

Classic fuzzy logic story: at Thanksgiving, a girl sits in the kitchen and asks her mother why she’s slicing off the top of the turkey breast before putting it in the oven. Her mother answers, “because my mother always did, and her mother before her and her mother before that.” So when the little girl grows up, she’ll probably bake her first turkey and cut off the top, never knowing that the only reason her great-great-great-grandmother did that was because their oven had been too small.

So the next time you find yourself wondering why there are nine innings in a baseball game or why your sandwich is called a sub, you might very well have fuzzy logic to thank – or blame!

Speak of which, I’m using my own brand of fuzzy logic to qualify the suspension of these weekly articles, which I’ve been writing for about a year now. People measure the passing years with their birthdays and make resolutions to do this or that starting on January 1st. So to help me frame my experience, I thought the beginning of the new year was just as good a time as any to take a break and begin anew. Exactly what I’m beginning, I’m not sure! But if you’ve enjoyed my stories (or even if you haven’t!), don’t be surprised if more manifestations of fuzzy logic from yours truly pop up soon from the pages of your Shopper-News.

In the meantime, Happy New Year! OR — Happy 17th day of the 11th month of the Chinese Lunar Year!

Playlist:
1. The Logical Song — Supertramp
2. Like Humans Do — David Byrne
3. Just Because — Anita Baker
4. The Song Remains the Same — Led Zeppelin
5. Is That All There Is? — Peggy Lee
6. Stop! In the Name of Love — Diana Ross and the Supremes
7. The End — The Doors
8. I’ll Be Seeing You — Frank Sinatra
9. Happy Trails — Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
10. Tomorrow Never Knows — The Beatles

Melancholy Baby

I'm one of those people to whom music is very important. If you play music for me, I'll usually have a concrete feeling about it one way or the other: I either love it or I hate it, and some songs get me teary. If it makes me sad, you might ask, then why listen to it?

Why deliberately subject myself to an attack of heartache?



It's kind of like the emotional "bump" people get from riding a roller coaster or seeing a scary movie. And when the ride's over, the fear will be over. You know you're not really in danger, so you can experience it as an entertaining rush and move on.

Sometimes it's an association with real-live events that make music emotional. Songs can evoke the memory of a past relationship or situation, and before you know it, your eyes start to well up. I'm not sure why, but there's a preponderance of country songs on the short list of tunes that make me cry. Don Williams' "Good Ol' Boys Like Me" and "Amarillo By Morning" are just two.

But a piece of music doesn't have to have lyrics to make me "kvell" with sadness. Sometimes it's just a particular chord progression or a melody. After all, the human race has been reacting to sounds long before developing speech, so it makes sense that music (as opposed to language) affects our primal brains first and foremost. As lyricst " Over the Rainbow" Yip Harburg once wrote, "The composer… works in a medium in which the appeal is directly to the emotions. The lyric writer must hurdle the mind to reach the heart."

The second movement of Beethoven's 7th symphony is a direct hit to my ol' ticker. Or watching "To Kill A Mockingbird," when the opening theme starts… all I can say is that there better be some Kleenex handy!

I know I'm not alone in my extreme emotional reaction to music. Anyone you see might be under the influence of the music that's piped out into the air at stores, gas stations, churches, or car stereos. I guess I'm just a rank sentimentalist, but don't be surprised if you see me at Food City with a tear in my eye, and it won't be over the price of the avocados.



Playlist:
1. Misery — The Beatles
2. Sad Songs (Say So Much) — Elton John
3. Blue — Joni Mitchell
4. I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Cryin' — Toby Keith/Sting
5. Heartbreaker — Led Zeppelin
6. Tracks of My Tears — Smokey Robinson and The Miracles
7. Feeling Sad Tonight — Carole King
8. Cry Me a River — Julie London
9. There’s a Tear in My Beer — Hank Williams
10. Glad to be Unhappy — Frank Sinatra

Extra Super Double Secret Probation Playlist of my sad songs (in no particular order):
1. All Roads Lead to You — Steve Wariner
2. Wichita Lineman — Glen Campbell
3. Galveston — Glen Campbell
(thanks for those, Jimmy Webb!)
4. He Stopped Loving Her Today — George Jones
5. Twenty Years Ago — Kenny Rogers
6. Valse Triste — Sibelius
7. Trying to Get the Feeling Again — Barry Manilow
8. The Way Love Used to Be — The Kinks
9. Something in the Way She Moves — James Taylor
10. Diary — Bread

KSO Holiday Concert This Weekend

This year, the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra’s 23rd annual Clayton Holiday concert will be a specially themed show called “Angels Among Us.” It will be at the Civic Auditorium at 7:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Dec. 18- 19, and at 3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, Dec. 19- 20.
Aside from the wonderful family-friendly sounds of the season that are a given for this yearly Knoxville tradition, you’ll be treated to a slide-show of some Knox County school students’ depictions of angels. What a great way to honor all the angels in our own community! Halls Elementary's Seth Gilliam drew this picture:

Right now I’m thinking of the cutest angel I know, which is my big huggable white shepherd-mix dog, Annie. You probably have your own furry angel full of unconditional love that helps make your Christmas season merry. This year, the KSO celebrates the special place that pets have in our hearts by partnering with Young-Williams Animal Center to help out the less fortunate animals here in Knox County. As you head out to the show at the Civic Auditorium, bring along a gift for the center and let’s fill up those designated donation bins. Some of the items currently needed are: 3-quart stainless steel dog bowls, pet toys, Science Diet dry food, pop-top canned food, clay litter and administrative supplies. Gift certificates are welcome if you don’t have time to shop! See their Web site at www.knoxpets.org for more info. There’s nothing like the feeling you get knowing you’ve played a small part in making life better for our four-legged friends.
This year’s show has so much to offer! Sing along to Christmas favorites, and see children young and old thrill to a visit from Santa Claus. You’re sure to catch someone you know in one of the guest ensembles that’ll be helping out the orchestra this year: Knoxville Choral Society, Appalachian Ballet Company and Sound Company Children’s Choir.
So make the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra’s Holiday Concert part of your family’s annual Christmas tradition. It’s the place to be this weekend! Tickets begin at just $12 and children’s tickets are half price before fees. To purchase tickets, call 291-3310 or 656-4444, or log on to www.knoxvillesymphony.com.
Playlist:
1. In the Mood — Glenn Miller
2. Too Much Fun — Daryle Singletary
3. Everybody’s Gonna Be Happy — The Kinks
4. Rip It Up — Little Richard
5. Frivolous Tonight — XTC
6. This Could Be the Start of Something Big — Steve & Eydie
7. Touch a Hand, Make a Friend — The Staple Singers
8. Sweetness Follows — R.E.M.
9. Imagine — John Lennon
10. Christmas Memories — Frank Sinatra

Weekend Happenings

A sampling of weekend goings-on to keep your eyes shining, your toes tapping and your ears happy:

* “National Performance Network: Live and On Stage” is a performance showcase in support of the NPN’s annual arts conference, which Knoxville is hosting this year. NPN is also celebrating the 40th anniversary of their only Tennessee member, The Carpetbag Theatre. The multimedia show will be 7 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Dec. 11 and 12, at the Bijou Theatre. National and regional performers in the areas of storytelling, poetry, music, dance and African drumming will entertain the public and conference attendees. For tickets, call the Tennessee Theatre box office, 684-1200, ext 2.

* Broadway Sound will host the rescheduled appearance of world-renowned “gypsy-jazz” guitarist Frank Vignola 7 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 2, at their store at 2830 North Broadway in Knoxville. Vignola is the real deal. He’s been awarded Les Paul’s regular NYC Iridium club gig since Paul’s death back in August, and it’s a good bet Vignola will be knocking the socks off of all the folks lucky enough to snag a ticket at Broadway Sound’s intimate event by calling them at 637-1644. Vignola will also be holding a guitar clinic earlier on Saturday at 1 p.m. for those students of swing who’d like to get an up-close-and-personal lesson with the master, so bring your Gibson.

* The Fountain City Art Center is having an open house and sale for their Parkside Open Door Gallery. The open house will be from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 12, and will kick off their Christmas sale which will be running through Dec. 23. The work of many local artists will be available at 10 to 20 percent discounts. Come by for some free popcorn and hot chocolate!

* Rounding out your musical options for Saturday, Dec. 12, is Tennessee Schmaltz, Knoxville’s favorite klezmer band. Rob Heller and the folks in Tennessee Schmaltz will be at the Laurel Theatre at 8 p.m. for a show that’s sure to please. After all, they’ve got tour stories and a Bonnaroo show under their belts since they last appeared at the Laurel in 2007. Get tickets at www.knoxtix.com or call 523-7521. Like their poster says, there’ll be “something oldish, something newish, something borrowed, something Jewish.” You can’t go wrong with that!
Playlist:
1. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite — The Beatles
2. Born in a Trunk — Judy Garland
3. Turn the Beat Around — Vicki Sue Robinson
4. Guitar Man — Bread, Cake, or Elvis Presley
5. Minor Swing — Stephane Grappelli
6. Color Him Father — The Winstons
7. Open House — Bombay Bicycle Club
8. Drink Me Hot — Chris Joss
9. Don’t Let the Schmaltz Get in Your Eyes — Mickey Katz
10. Mazel Tov Cocktail — Meshugga Beach Party

Cuckoo for Culture

If you go cuckoo for culture in K-town, you’ll have an excellent chance to see and hear tons of it this weekend. Friday and Saturday, Dec. 4-5, the Arts and Culture Alliance of Greater Knoxville will host its fifth annual Emporium Holiday Extravaganza. At the beautiful Emporium Center at 100 S. Gay Street (corner of Jackson Avenue and Gay Street), the Extravaganza will feature loads of great holiday ideas from area artists and museums. Handmade items will include home accessories, ornaments, stationery, jewelry, paintings, drawings and more.

9"x9" giclee prints of "Fish on a Leash" by Knoxville Illustrator Lesley Eaton are available at the Extravaganza. Lesley is an accomplished children's book illustrator who works with painted paper collage and mixed media. To see more of her fanciful artwork, visit her website at www.pepperedpaper.com.
Here’s a great way to kick-start your Christmas spirit this year: check out all the fantastic artwork at the Extravaganza while awaiting the downtown WIVK Christmas parade, which begins at 6:30 p.m. on Friday. Browsing is free, and there just might be some yummy holiday goodies on hand to help you get in a festive mood.

As if this feast for the eyes (and tummy!) weren’t enough, the Extravaganza is also a great way to catch live performances by some of Knoxville’s most popular groups like the Knoxville Children’s Choir, Circle Modern Dance and Smoky Mountain Harmony A Capella Show Chorus. Log onto www.knoxalliance.com for more info, schedule of performances, directions, parking, etc., or call the Alliance at 523-7543. Extravaganza hours are 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Friday and 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday.
On the off chance that the Extravaganza can’t provide the unique present you’re looking for, you can always get that special someone a Culture Cash gift certificate good at more than 40 of Knoxville’s local arts and culture organizations. Have fun playing Santa and supporting Knoxville artists.

Playlist:
1. Arts and Crafts — Maceo Parker
2. See Me, Feel Me — The Who
3. Downtown — Petula Clark
4. Do It (‘Til You’re Satisfied) — B.T. Express
5. Get Up and Go — The Rutles
6. Right Here Right Now — Jesus Jones
7. Suddenly I See — KT Tunstall
8. It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year — Andy Williams
9. Because — The Beatles
10. The City is Here for You to Use — The Futureheads

James and John: Good as Gravy

It’s the centennial anniversary of the birth of two giants of American creativity: James Agee and Johnny Mercer.
Had they lived this long, Knoxville-born author James Agee and pop lyricist Johnny Mercer of Savannah, Ga., would have turned 100 this month.
I recently discovered something else these two southern gentlemen had in common: they both had occasion to appreciate gravy.
James Agee included some local incarnations of gravy in his 1941 book “Let Us Now Praise Famous Men.” Agee mentioned this pork-infused staple of poverty-stricken southerners as one of the “… true tastes of home.” And Johnny Mercer praised gravy in the verse to his song “Lazy Bones,” which begins “Long as there is chicken gravy on your rice, Ev’rything is nice.”
Maybe it’s because I grew up in the South, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like gravy – myself included. And these acknowledgements of the Everyman’s ambrosia just reinforce why I so like their work.
Both Agee’s and Mercer’s words evoke images of the small-town South during the first half of the 20th century. You can almost feel the humidity and smell the magnolia blossoms in their writing.
Mercer’s lyrics don’t always speak directly to a Southern experience, but you can tell he’s from here. Most of his standards indirectly attest to his down-home roots: talk of trains, breezes, moonlight and meadows all help paint a sentimental picture of love lost or unrequited.
The miracle of saints James and John was in their storytelling of the common ground that connects all humanity. They remind us of childhood, nature, the richness of living simply and a time when no matter what else was happening, at least there was gravy on the stove. And it’s as true today as it was then – somehow everything’s the better for that.
Playlist:
1. Gravy Waltz — Oscar Peterson
2. Sharecropper’s Son — Ralph Stanley
3. That’s What I Like About the South – Phil Harris
4. Going Back to Georgia — Nanci Griffith
5. Arkansas Traveler — Michelle Shocked
6. Southland in the Springtime — Indigo Girls
7. I Wanna Go Back to Dixie — Tom Lehrer
8. Poor Old Dirt Farmer — Levon Helm
9. Good Brown Gravy — Joe Diffie
10. Feels Like Home — Bonnie Raitt

Songs for Sickies

Seems like everyone you talk to is either sick, has been sick, feels like they're getting sick, or knows someone who's been sick. Here's a little musical guide for those of you suffering from "The Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu" (Dr. John).
* "Beds are Burning" (Midnight Oil) because you're feverish. First it's like a "Heat Wave" (Martha and the Vandellas), and then you’ll bundle up against that feeling of a “Cold Cold Heart” (Hank Williams).

* If you're tired of blowing your nose, you might feel "Born to Run" (Bruce Springsteen). “Try a Little Tenderness” (Otis Redding) and get some of those tissues with lotion in them. Just “Hold Your Head Up” (Argent) and hope for an “Even Flow” (Pearl Jam).
* If your sinuses are blocked, remember "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do" (Neil Sedaka). Just “Dream On” (Aerosmith) of the day you’ll once again be “Running on Empty” (Jackson Browne).

* Don’t trust just anybody’s opinion. “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” (Marvin Gaye). Better to “Hang On Sloopy” (The McCoys) and “Wait” (The Beatles) until you can see your doctor.

* The flu is contagious. It’s "Blowin' in the Wind" (Bob Dylan), so make sure the only thing you catch is the "Lovebug" (Jonas Brothers or George Strait).
* Don't spread germs to others; "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" (The Georgia Satellites).
* Try not to overdo it, and don’t go to work — just stay "Homesick" ( Ferlin Husky or The Vines) and "Take It Easy" (The Eagles).
* If a cold has gripped you “All Day and All of the Night” (The Kinks), just keep “Jammin’” (Bob Marley) pills so you can start “Feelin’ Alright” (Joe Cocker).
* Remember you’re not alone, because "Everybody Hurts" (R.E.M.), and the best medicine is still “Laughing” (The Guess Who)!

Craft Fair a Fall Tradition

The prestigious Foothills Craft Guild will host its 43rd annual Fine Craft Fair this Friday through Sunday at the Jacob building in Chilhowee Park. The amazing original artwork of more than 140 artisans and craftspersons will be featured.
A partial list of media includes woodwork, pottery, stained glass, basketry, printmaking and jewelry.

I caught up with Guild member and woodturner Bob Klassen of Farragut, who will be working booth No. 129 at the show this weekend. He’s a happy part-time retiree who enjoys mastering the fine art of the wood lathe. His woodturnings are also on display at the Art Gallery of Farragut.
Leilla White has worked with beveled glass for almost two decades and enjoys the Fine Craft Fair as an opportunity to see old friends and meet new ones looking for that special holiday gift. She makes candleholders, sun-catchers, window pieces and even tables. Her work is currently showing at the Highland Craft Gallery in Gatlinburg.
The Fine Craft Fair is a great place to learn about a huge variety of arts and the local artists who create them. There will be a fun hands-on booth for kids, and everyone can enjoy demonstrations of basket making, whittling, chair caning and corn shuckery. I didn’t know it was called shuckery. There – I’ve learned something new already!
So if you haven’t yet treated yourself to this autumn tradition, bring the kids and make a day of it. Hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, and 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday. Cost is $6 for adults, $5 for seniors and students, and free for children 6 and under. Visit www.foothillscraftguild.org for more info. See you there!

Playlist:
1. Autumn Almanac — The Kinks
2. Tradition — Fiddler on the Roof
3. Art in Me — Jars of Clay
4. Sugar Craft — Medeski, Martin & Wood
5. Mona Lisa — Nat “King” Cole
6. Scarborough Fair — Simon & Garfunkle
7. Pictures at an Exhibition — Ravel/Mussorgsky
8. Portrait of my Love — Steve Lawrence
9. Turbulent Indigo — Joni Mitchell
10. Harvest Festival — XTC

KSO Gives Tuneful Treat to Area Kids

Last week, the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra treated kids from Knox County and surrounding schools to a wonderful program of music with a “Musical Superheroes” theme as part of the KSO’s popular Young People’s Concerts.
KSO Resident Conductor James Fellenbaum was in control and at ease with the skill of a master storyteller. He provided lively, concise introductions noting each composer’s “super power,” hamming it up for the delighted audience.
The “Star-Spangled Banner” kicked off the concert of selections familiar and not-so-familiar. The Civic Auditorium was full of the sound of thousands of toes tapping during the second movement of Haydn’s “Surprise” Symphony.
Seventeen-year-old flutist Laura Kappa joined 14-year-old harpist Naomi Falconnier as soloists on a concerto by Mozart. Both are members of the Knoxville Symphony Youth Orchestra.
There were squeals of recognition as the first strains of Beethoven’s “Fifth Symphony” came from the stage. Dancers from Go! Contemporary Dance Works provided a beautiful, moving tableau to illustrate Debussy’s “Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun.”
For the percussive blast of an excerpt from Stravinsky’s “The Firebird,” Maestro Fellenbaum encouraged the children to use their imagination to picture themselves triumphing against evil in their own scary adventure.
Rounding out the show was the “Theme from Superman” by John Williams, for which the conductor donned a Superman shirt and cape. At the risk of having an English teacher admonish me for ending a sentence with a preposition … the kids ate it up!
KSO Director of Education and Community Partnerships Jennifer Barnett works closely with the Knox County Public School System to make exciting live musical performances part of kids’ learning experience. For more info on the KSO’s educational outreach program, call Jennifer at 521-2305 or visit www.knoxvillesymphony.com
Playlist:
1. Heroes - David Bowie
2. Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy - The Tams
3. American Tune - Paul Simon
4. Little Child - The Beatles
5. Leader of the Band - Dan Fogelberg
6. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
7. Talk about the Passion - R.E.M.
8. I've Got to use my Imagination - Gladys Knight & the Pips
9. Superman - The Kinks
10. That's Really Super, Supergirl - XTC

Getting the Message

With everyone texting and twittering these days, I have a feeling some kids aren’t learning proper phone etiquette anymore.

I remember as a kid being taught to answer the phone “Schoen residence, Emily Schoen speaking.” Short and sweet, direct and helpful. Not like what I hear nowadays.

Of course back then (somewhere in the mid-Paleolithic era), people had the advantage of knowing that if they were calling someone and the phone stopped ringing, it was because someone was actually on the other end. These days you’re more likely to reach someone’s answering machine than you are a real person.

That’s as much due to Caller ID as it is answering machines; we’ve all pretended we’re not home so we don’t have to talk to an unwanted caller. A hopeful “Hello!” has been replaced with this yell to whatever family member is nearest the dreaded home phone: “Don't answer! Let the machine pick up!”

Here are some tips on leaving messages:

*  Don’t assume I recognize your voice. Always identify yourself. Follow this by stating your telephone number. Many callers have assumed I have Caller ID and redial. Sadly, they’ll never hear back from me because they didn’t leave their number.

*   Don’t yell into your phone. This causes a distortion that’s like trying to make out what Peter Frampton is saying on those songs where he uses the vocoder. So much of life is distorted – I don’t need another thing that’s hard to figure out!

*   On the other hand, don’t mutter into your phone like you’ve just had a shot of Novocaine. Speak clearly and slowly. A little consideration will make life easier for everyone concerned.

*   Keep it short, and stick to the basics. For an invitation, give me the event, the date, the time and place, and any cost. I might have one of those answering machines that only allows 30-second messages.

*   Kids: answering the phone should not be a chance to show off your vocal power. Calling “Mom!” at the top of your lungs doesn’t work unless you’re on the high-dive at the swimming pool. Just put the phone down gently, walk over to mom and tell her she has a phone call. And Mom: you might want to ratchet down “Wheel of Fortune” just a bit before coming on the line.

*   And finally, a plea for sanity with regard to outgoing message greetings. We don’t really care what your favorite song is, and we shouldn’t have to sit through it before leaving our message. And if you have a child, please for God's sake don’t record your 4-year-old for your outgoing greeting. The kid may be adorable, but sometimes the phone is a business tool. Someone doesn’t want to have to hear baby-talk in order to leave a message for daddy about that job he’s getting. No? OK, well maybe they’ll just hang up and go to the next guy on the list!

Playlist:
1.   The Message - Grandmaster Flash
2.   Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
3.   A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley
4.   Who Are You - The Who
5.  I Think I Can Hear You - Carole King
6.  Speak Softly Love - Andy Williams
7.  The Great Pretender - The Platters
8.  Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas
9.  Treat Me Right - Pat Benatar
10. I've Gotta Get a Message to You - Bee Gees

Beating the Odds

For Central High grads Ashley and Chris Ward, the birth of their daughter Josslyn Rose Ward has been a long and bumpy ride, and scarier than most.
 
The trouble began when Ashley, a stylist at City Salon, experienced abdominal pain during her 23rd week of pregnancy. She was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, a severe type of preeclampsia in which Ashley's life-giving placenta became toxic to her own system.
Babies aren't normally born until around the 40th week, so Ashley and Chris knew that a tough decision had to be made quickly. They opted to admit Ashley to U.T. Medical Center, where the top-notch team at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit was in place and ready to give the baby a good fighting chance at survival.

Turns out the Wards made a very good decision. Josslyn Rose was born May 5th, and last Friday she left the U.T. Medical Center's NICU at a healthy 7 pounds, 13 ounces.
Babies born this premature are referred to as "micro-preemies," but that hardly conveys the living miracle of modern science that is Josslyn Rose. Consider this: at her birth back in May, she weighed a mere 390 grams, which is only an ounce or so more than your basic 12-oz. can of soda.

With the optimism and expertise of the caregivers at U.T. Medical Center, and a whole lot of praying by the Wards, their family, church, and friends, Josslyn was able to beat the "5% chance of survival" odds that the doctors had given her. In fact, Ashley and Chris credit much of Josslyn's success story to that extended circle of support that they relied on throughout the nerve-wracking period since the devastating diagnosis.

Faith is a powerful thing. It can give you strength you never knew you had. In the middle of their ordeal, the Wards even found time to help out other premature babies at U.T. by donating their time to help with a recent blanket drive sponsored by Central Baptist of Fountain City, where the Wards are active members.
Against all odds, Josslyn is now relatively healthy and has been breathing on her own for roughly two months.

So faith and science came together to save a miracle baby, only the third-most-premature ever to survive out of U.T. Medical Center. These days some folks are bent on convincing us that one or the other is in charge. Inspiring stories like the Wards' convince me that the two aren't mutually exclusive.
Playlist:
1. A Little Good News — Anne Murray
2. B-A-B-Y — Carla Thomas
3. Isn’t She Lovely — Stevie Wonder
4. Baby It’s You — The Beatles
5. Chances Are — Johnny Mathis
6. You Better Pray — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
7. Long Time Gone — Crosby, Stills & Nash
8. I’m Comin’ Home Baby — Mel Tormé
9. Tiny Dancer — Elton John
10. We Three — Frank Sinatra

Big Band, Big Fun

Last week I heard some world-class jazz at the Bijou.
Vocalist Deborah Brown and the Knoxville Jazz Orchestra performed selections from the Great American Songbook featuring Duke Ellington, Irving Berlin, Hoagy Carmichael, George Gershwin and others.
It was an unforgettable evening.

Deborah Brown is an internationally renowned singer who has worked with bands and arrangers the world over and appears on numerous CDs. This is her third time performing with the Knoxville Jazz Orchestra. Good things come in threes. KJO, Deborah Brown and some of the nicest arrangements I've ever heard, some being sung live by Brown for the first time, combined for a tasty mix of swinging classics.
Award-winning trombonist Don Hough conducted an expanded KJO that included selected players from the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra. Hough joked that it was a thrill to be working with “real musicians.” In my book, they’re all cracker-jack; the Knoxville Jazz Orchestra is in its 10th season of wowing audiences with their top-flight big-band sound. I knew right away that it would be a very special show.
Deborah Brown has a voice like very good, very old whiskey: warm, pure and infinitely satisfying.

The sound is a triple threat all its own: the sassy lightness of Natalie Cole, beautifully controlled phrasing reminiscent of a young Sarah Vaughan and the impeccable fluidity of Ella Fitzgerald. The latter was best shown off when Brown doubled the sax section for intricate breaks on “Mood Indigo” and “Our Love is Here to Stay.” She made it look easy.
The rock-solid rhythm section of Rusty Holloway on bass and Keith Brown on drums was impressive, especially on “Just in Time,” which sent us careering to intermission at the break-neck speed of a thoroughbred horse.
It’s a good thing I was sitting alone in a press box – I’m sure my constant toe-tapping would have driven someone crazy if they’d had to sit next to me!
Notable also was the sheer force of the KJO brass section. It rushed forth with the power of a Waimea wave; it was a living, breathing sound of masterly precision. This was better than a recording. There’s nothing like live music to remind you of what it's all about: the genius of talented composers, arrangers, singer and musicians all coming together at the top of their game.
Hear the Knoxville Jazz Orchestra this fall at one of its “Jazz Lunch at the Square Room” shows at noon on the first Wednesday of the month, or catch the popular program “A Swingin’ Christmas” on Tuesday, Dec. 22. Go to www.knoxjazz.org for details.
How's this for a note-worthy trio: the Knoxville Jazz Orchestra, your favorite tunes and you!

Playlist:
1. Unforgettable — Nat “King” Cole
2. Easy to Love — Ella Fitzgerald
3. Thank You Girl — The Beatles
4. Sing, Sing, Sing — The Benny Goodman Orchestra
5. Sing a Song — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. Dancing Shoes — Arctic Monkeys
7. Blow Gabriel Blow — Martha Tilton
8. Too Marvelous for Words — Frank Sinatra
9. Get Rhythm — Johnny Cash
10. Three is a Magic Number — Blind Melon

Weather or Not

All this rain we’ve had reminds me of when I lived on Cape Cod one summer.

It was a different kind of humidity, but vexing all the same. Towels never got a chance to dry out before you had to use them again. Doors and windows swelled stuck.
Here in East Tennessee, little puddles have grown and gained permanency to the point where you could more properly call them ponds. And of course, the mosquitoes have had a field day. The little stinkers are thick this year! Note to self: see about investing in “OFF!”
I don’t know the statistics, but I’d bet the local fair-weather industries like car washes and construction have sadly seen less business this summer.
Prolonged periods of precipitation depress some people. Ever felt like you’d just about sell your soul to see a blue sky?
There’s a short story by Ray Bradbury called “The Long Rain” that has stayed with me for years. The hellish plot involves some astronauts who are stranded on a planet where it never stops raining and there is no shelter. I personally have traveled thousands of miles in an effort to get away from rain and be someplace where I could feel the sun on my skin. Oh, and maybe hear some seagulls calling and waves crashing. But I digress. …

There are upsides, though, to our damp summer (Knoxville’s 10th wettest on record). Grassy lawns that are usually dead, stubbly beige by now are still green. The impatiens we planted back in May are still abloom. And we’ve had a bumper crop of pecans, so the squirrels are happy.
A mild summer and moist soil content should contribute to a more lengthy and intense period of fall foliage this autumn. Which brings us to my favorite time of year: October and “sweater weather” with that cool nip in the air. The smell of wood fires and hot apple cider. You know, after you’ve put your shorts and T-shirts in storage, but before you have to start scraping the frost off the windshield.

Has the summer rain been good or bad? Depends who you talk to. Like Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” We can talk about it, worry about it and prepare for it. But the weather is going to do what it wants regardless. Maybe that’s why we’re so in awe of it – there are so few things left in this world over which we have so little control.
As for me, I’m just going to sit and listen to the raindrops and know that this, too, shall pass.

Playlist:
1. September in the Rain — Frank Sinatra
2. Rain — The Beatles
3. Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again — The Fortunes
4. Baby the Rain Must Fall — Glenn Yarbrough
5. Don’t Rain on My Parade — Barbra Streisand
6. Flood — Jars of Clay
7. The Rain Song — Led Zeppelin
8. Rainy Day Man — James Taylor
9. Kentucky Rain — Elvis Presley
10. Who’ll Stop the Rain? — CCR

A Day at the Fair

What a time I had at the Tennessee Valley Fair! It’s such a visceral experience. In this age of “virtual reality” (ironically meaning just the opposite), it’s nice to participate up close and in person, using all your five senses. Some highlights I couldn’t have enjoyed near as much if I’d had to rely on YouTube:
* The serious and determined look of a small child trying to pick out which merry-go-round horse he was going to ride. This was a big decision!

* Livestock exhibitions. For a city gal like me, it’s a thrill to see live animals besides cats or dogs. You can even get close enough to touch some of them. The odors just remind me of the real, backbreaking work involved in caring for these creatures! From the complacent cattle to the achingly adorable bunnies, it’s a labor of love. And oh, I never knew roosters had such a varied and interesting repertoire of crows!

* It was a feast for the eyes as I drank in exhibits by skilled artists and crafters young and old: photography, book-making, quilting, carving, watercolors and so much more.
* The sound of music. With a nice variety of different kinds of live music entertainment, there’s always something going on so you can rest a spell, have a listen, tap your toes, get up and dance or sing along!
* The mouth-watering smell of a dizzying array of food choices: hot dogs, corn dogs, hamburgers, barbecue, Philly cheese steaks, chicken kebabs, tacos, egg rolls, gyros, fries, onion rings. What you need to do is come to the fair hungry, that’s for sure.
* I finally settled on the good ol’ reliable funnel cake. It tasted as comfortingly good as the first one I ever had.
Maybe that’s the real and enduring draw of the fair. It’s a window to our past, a time to stop and say howdy to neighbors and to appreciate the way things used to be. Many East Tennesseans remember the Tennessee Valley Fair from decades ago, and there’s a lot that hasn’t changed since then. It’s still makes a great family outing. And there’s nothing like it for down-home fun. I had a blast!
Playlist:
1. A Most Unusual Day — June Christy
2. State Fair — Los Straitjackets
3. Got To Be There — Michael Jackson
4. Little Red Rooster — Howlin’ Wolf
5. Moving Pictures — The Kinks
6. Sideshow — Blue Magic
7. Let’s Take an Old-Fashioned Walk — Frank Sinatra
8. Deep Fried Twinkies — Terry Hanck
9. Old Folks — Lou Rawls
10. The Good Life — Tony Bennett

Sound and Fury

I’m a patient woman. I usually weigh the consequences before doing anything. Will my plan injure anyone? Will it improve anything?
Regardless, there comes a time when you have to take a stand to maintain your sanity.
Noise pollution is common in my neighborhood. Garbage trucks bang Dumpsters, tractor-trailers squeal to a halt and clank up through their gears to regain speed, and motorcyclists treat my street like a drag strip.

Lawn mowers, weed-eaters, leaf-blowers and chain saws all punctuate the underlying din. And I’m never far away from an intrusive car stereo blaring out some horrible thumping noise.
But these are nothing compared to the mystery alarm.
A nearby alarm had been going off intermittently for what seemed like a year. Sometimes at dusk, sometimes at 3 a.m., sometimes when the weather changed, sometimes when it didn’t. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it. And since it only lasted 10 minutes or so (just enough to ruin a good night’s sleep), I was never able to get up, get dressed and try to pinpoint its source before it stopped. I tried questioning some area businesses, and people looked at me like I was crazy.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Just get over it!” But you have to understand – this was no ordinary alarm. It sounded like a feral cat’s tail was being squashed repeatedly in front of amplifiers big enough to blast through Thompson-Boling Arena. This alarm penetrated my ear plugs like a battering ram through drywall. This alarm made you wonder if we weren’t being alerted to foreign invasion. This alarm had a soul, and it was evil.
Last Saturday, I was reading on my back porch when it reared its ugly head again, and after awhile I thought, “This is it. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”
I frantically grabbed my keys, got in the car and went flying down the road trying to catch it in the act. Making some wrong turns, I got closer and closer to the source of the deafening noise.

Mystery solved: it was a church! Call me feisty, but I didn’t care if it was the Notre Dame cathedral, I was going to try and get someone to stop that alarm before I got a shotgun and did it myself!
I found the church’s Web site and looked up the pastor’s home number. I left a message. Then I reached the associate minister, letting him listen to the alarm through the phone. He agreed it was pretty annoying and vowed to look into it.

I haven't heard it since. Keep your fingers crossed. For now, at least, I’m enjoying the divine sound of silence.
Playlist:
1. Rock n’ Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution — AC/DC
2. Ring the Alarm — Beyoncé
3. Make It Stop — Soulphonic Soundsystem
4. Don’t Bother Me — The Beatles
5. Hush — Deep Purple
6. God Give Me Strength — Elvis Costello
7. On The Road to Find Out — Cat Stevens
8. Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars — Andy Williams
9. You Don’t Have to Cry — Crosby Stills & Nash
10. The Sound of Silence — Simon and Garfunkel

Mad about "Mad Men"

I’m a big fan of the TV drama “Mad Men.” And since I sometimes run across those tacky pop-culture magazines and entertainment blogs, I not only know the latest earth-shatteringly important activities of Kenny Chesney and Paula Abdul, I also know that I’m one of nearly 3 million people who are glued to the set every week to luxuriate in the stylish AMC original series.
What is it about this show that makes middle-class baby-boomers like me go gaga?

* Where the Boys Are: It’s about a fictitious Manhattan ad agency in the early 1960s. It’s got the most gorgeous art direction this mid-century Modern junkie has ever seen. Every detail is spot-on. You’ll think you’ve died and gone to a Heaven full of Eames chairs and George Nelson credenzas.
* Baby, It’s You: If the look of the sets isn’t enough, you can always feast your eyes on the gorgeous cast that populates them. Never mind that the awkwardly-cadenced dialogue wanders a bit aimlessly sometimes. Not since the fins on a 1960 Eldorado has something looked so good while making so little sense.

* This Magic Moment: Watching “Mad Men” reminds us of our childhoods. It’s as if the feel of the era has been washed clean with a kind of sophisticated sentimentality. And yet the mood of the show is very dark. In reality, conversations weren’t so curt and straightforward; putting a good face on everything was the rule of the day. Some hot-button issues are touched on, but never enough to make you forget that the series is essentially “Peyton Place” redux.

* Wonderful World: The series is a love letter to a time when Americans were riding the crest of a wave of innocence that would never return.
All the mistakes we were making hadn’t caught up to us yet.

There’s rampant sexism, the nonstop omnipresence of cigarettes and alcohol – but these only seem to harken back to a time when everything was just much simpler.
Truth is, that era was no better than any other. It’s just that we boomers were there, so it touches a nerve. Tune in to this dreamy hit show on Sunday nights at 10 p.m. on AMC. It’s replete with images both rose-colored and sinister, as our memories often are.
Playlist:
1. Mad Mad Me — Maria Muldaur
2. The Way We Were — Barbra Streisand
3. Lush Life — Nat “King” Cole
4. Pretty In Pink — The Psychedelic Furs
5. Rose-Colored Glasses — John Conlee
6. The Look of Love — Dusty Springfield
7. The Times of Your Life — Paul Anka
8. People Are Strange — The Doors
9. This is the Beginning of the End — Frank Sinatra
10. It’s All Over Now — The Rolling Stones

I've Got a Feeling

We’ve all had days when even the simplest task is like pulling teeth. Your air conditioner breaks down. You run out of milk. You’re late to work. Admittedly, these aren’t earth-shaking events, but they’re just enough to make you feel like everything’s working against you. It’s like a metaphysical burr has stuck itself in your side and won’t let go.
I call that feeling ickiness.

Some days it seems like the whole world has it. People’s tempers flare, everyone seems to be at odds with one another and folks who are normally mild-mannered fly off the handle like a rusty hatchet.
I’m beginning to think that if we get enough of those spiky little burrs in enough sides, there might be some real damage done. Take the woman over here cursing into her cellphone and the man over there ignoring his child’s cries – they’ll surely spill over into another situation and turn it sour.
Issues big or small can bring on ickiness and send my smile packing. It can be health-care reform or the cat shedding all over me. It’s not easy to keep stuff like that from eating at me. And once my attitude gets maladjusted, I’m just a hop, skip and a jump away from inflicting my hissy fit onto someone else.

Blame our short fuses on the stressed-out economy, the phase of the moon, a random solar flare, maybe some monetary-electro-magnetic super-snafu.

For all we know, ickiness may just be a part of the natural order of things, and the cosmic pendulum will swing back over to peachy-keen at any moment or at least lean more towards OK.
If we look at history, we’ll see that the world has gone through untold numbers of rough patches and come through alright. I believe all this ickiness is just a phase and that we’ll all feel much better soon. I have to believe that!
In the meantime, let’s all try and be nice to each other. We’re all in this together.

Playlist:
1. I’m Down — The Beatles
2. Bad Moon Rising — Creedence Clearwater Revival
3. You Can’t Always Get What You Want — The Rolling Stones
4. Your Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad — Tammy Wynette
5. A Good Run of Bad Luck — Clint Black
6. Don’t Feel Bad — Rascal Flatts
7. New Attitude — Patti LaBelle
8. Smile Again — Manhattan Transfer
9. Get Together — The Youngbloods
10. What a Wonderful World — Louis Armstrong

Advertising ADD

The next time you see a product displayed prominently during your favorite TV show, you can blame me. Tired of all that Pepsi, Bud Lite, and KFC showing up in your favorite sitcom? It’s because people like me have AADD (advertising attention deficit disorder).
I’m one of the growing number of TV viewers who think commercials are passé. Out of the tons of TV I watch every week, only a fraction of it is “live.” I’m too busy to waste 15 minutes per hour of TV on commercials!

Nope, I just “tape” the shows for later, with the help of a digital video recorder.
No wonder savvy advertisers use product placement to reach us folks who love to hit the fast-forward button. Live TV is so 2008!
It’s all about being able to get the latest creative content, right when you want it.

Well, that and not having to sit through all those dreadful ads.
If you’re a Comcast subscriber, make sure you take advantage of their DVR package. It will become your best friend and a time-management must-have!
If you’re a subscriber to Netflix, consider Roku as an additional source for on-demand video cravings. It’s a little box that connects your computer’s Netflix account and your TV. Choose from thousands of instant viewing titles online.

Then after you’ve had dinner and walked the dog, you can relax in front of the TV and scroll through your “queue” and watch a show completely commercial-free. Best of all, these instant selections are free with your regular subscription. Now that’s what I call innovation.

One drawback of Roku is that not many titles are current, so if you’re fanatic about a certain series, you won’t be able to access the most recent episodes. Also, the $99 price-tag may be too high for some, but my Roku has already paid for itself in the two months since I’ve had it.
Youtube.com and hulu.com lead the way in free online content. The next step in instant video gratification would be for me to get a gizmo that would turn my big flat-screen TV into a real-time monitor for those Websites.
On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t aim for that option – I’d never leave the house!

Playlist:
1. Channel Z — The B52s
2. Watching the Detectives — Elvis Costello
3. Haven’t Got Time for the Pain — Carly Simon
4. No Time — The Guess Who
5. Salesman — The Monkees
6. Who Will Buy — Oliver!
7. Love for Sale — Talking Heads
8. Save It For Later — Pete Townshend
9. Little Boxes — Pete Seeger
10. Play Me — Neil Diamond

Born to be Mild

I’m as big a nature-lover as the next guy, but not in the sense that I want to actually be in it. I usually appreciate wildlife from the pages of a magazine or on TV from the comfort of my recliner. It may be a once-removed experience, but that way I avoid pesky things like snakebites, hypothermia and that nagging feeling that any minute Jason from “Friday the 13th” is going to slash through my shiny new LL Bean Eddie Bauer Model X3000 tent and stab me to death.

Growing up, the most I remember of the great outdoors was the rare picnic at “The Y” in Townsend, and that memory mostly involves the hamburgers and potato salad, not any direct interaction with any wild animals (except for the kind that yell “Watch this!” as they jump off the cliff into the churning rapids and jagged rocks below).
I admit it. I’m an urban nerd.

I’m more Woody Allen than woodsy, more Bob Fosse than Diane Fossey. More National Lampoon than national forest. But even this city gal needs an occasional respite from the noise and smog. A break from the linear confines of buildings and technology and responsibilities.

So despite my trepidation, last week I ventured out into nature. My best friend and I rented a rustic cabin along the Pigeon River in the mountains of Western North Carolina.
And by rustic, I mean there was no Internet and no cable TV. Imagine not being able to check the Web for instant identification of flora and fauna, for the lyrics to that annoying song in my head, or for answers to my crossword puzzles. Now that’s roughing it!
I’ll tell you what was nice, though: watching the rainbow trout glide by as I floated in the cool, clear waters of the big swimming hole. Also staring into a cozy fire as the rain beat down on the tin roof, and inhaling the rich, wet earthy air after the storm had passed. And maybe best of all: no clocks or cell phones anywhere in sight.
I won’t be hiking the Appalachian Trail any time soon, but I enjoyed the heck out of my relaxing week in the semi-wilderness, and I’d do it again in a New York minute. Next time I might even leave the iPod at home.
Playlist:
1. Wild Thing — The Troggs
2. Stoned Soul Picnic — The Fifth Dimension
3. Real Wild Child — Jerry Lee Lewis
4. Mountain Music — Alabama
5. Nature Boy — Nat “King” Cole
6. Wild Mountain Thyme — Liam Clancy
7. Float On — The Floaters
8. Hot Fun in the Summertime — Sly & The Family Stone
9. Let the River Run — Carly Simon
10. Don’t Worry, Be Happy — Bobby McFerrin

Old Dog, New Trick

I don’t advocate putting clothing on a dog, unless you’re putting booties on your sled-team’s paws for the Iditarod. Otherwise, it’s pretty much an abomination, in my humble opinion.
I can only imagine poor Fido’s embarrassment when he’s trotted out to show off some horrible polo shirt in the colors of your favorite athletic team. Everyone’s billing and cooing and he’s thinking, “Oh God, someone please save me. This is not helping my image down at the dog park. How humiliating!”

So you can take all your cutesy polka-dot sweaters and pom-pom hats with ear-holes and jumpsuits and hoodies and pajamas for dogs and throw ’em all in the dumper.
At least that’s what I thought until last month.
Turns out there is an instance where putting togs on your dog is not only appropriate, it’s therapeutic.
My dog Annie is 13 years old and gets very nervous when there’s a thunderstorm. At the first drop of the barometric pressure, she begins to follow me very closely from room to room, looking up into my eyes with apprehension, and lying on my feet when I sit down. By the time the lightning and thunder arrive, she’s panting like she just ran a 5K. She wants to stay so close to me, I think she’d wrap herself around me twice if she could. It was only a mild annoyance for me, except for the times it occurred at 4 a.m.
It was getting so bad, my vet prescribed an anti-anxiety drug, but even that wasn’t completely effective.
Then someone told me about a remedy for Annie’s weather-generated canine angst. They said to wear an old T-shirt for a while, and then put it snugly on the dog. I had to cut a slit up the bottom hem of the shirt and tie a knot with the ends so it would be slightly tight around Annie’s middle.

My human smell, coupled with the feeling of gentle pressure all around her, apparently calms Annie and allows her to weather the storm with much less anxiety.
It works like a charm. Wearing my T-shirt, Annie is markedly calmer during storms. That’s good news for this light sleeper, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to start dressing her like a Barbie doll. So if your mutt gets thunder-struck, try the T-shirt trick. Just lay off the sequins.

Playlist:
1. Love Dog — TV on the Radio
2. All Dressed Up — Plain White T’s
3. Don’t Do It — The Band
4. What to Wear — Taylor Swift
5. Dog Problems — The Format
6. Rainy Night in Georgia — Brook Benton
7. This Shirt — Mary Chapin Carpenter
8. T-Shirt — Shontelle
9. Shirt — Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
10. Black Dog — Led Zeppelin