I’ve heard people say the Internet is putting traditional brick-and-mortar stores out of business. They’re partly right, but there’s a certain local store that wouldn’t have gotten my business last weekend if it weren’t for the World Wide Web.
I had a plumbing problem that had started about a week before – a telltale dripping sound coming from the shower. You’ve heard of the 5 stages of grief? I went through the leaky shower equivalent: denial (earplugs), anger (“It’s getting worse!”), bargaining (“If this leak would just magically stop, I promise to clean the garage.”), depression (a bucket) and acceptance (“It’s not going away. Gotta do something!”).
The great thing about the Internet is that whatever your problem is, chances are someone else has experienced the same thing and has blogged, chatted or consulted someone else about it.
Sure enough, I Googled and found someone with the exact same leaky shower who’d posted the entire repair process in a handy sequence of pictures.
The folks at Home Depot were also helpful, and here’s where they’ve got the Internet beat. While I was there, I picked up a few other items that I’d been needing for a while, plus a few impulse buys (every home should have a giant economy-size roll of Day-Glo orange duct tape).
Back home, a few turns of the strap wrench, maybe a skinned knuckle or two and the shower was good as new. No Web site could have provided that same-day satisfaction!
A plumber would have cost a bundle, and nothing compares with the rewarding feeling of having done the job all by myself.
I’m not saying the Internet allows us to do away with repair crews across the board. I’ll call a professional every time for something major. But it sure was handy when this budget-minded gal needed little free advice. Best of all – that drip is history!
Playlist:
1. Drip, Drip, Drip — Spike Jones & His City Slickers
2. Bleep Blop Blues — Manhattan Transfer
3. Drip Drop — The Drifters
4. Who Can I Turn To — Sammy Davis Jr.
5. Every Picture Tells a Story — Rod Stewart
6. All I’ve Got to Do — The Beatles
7. Dirty Work — Steely Dan
8. My Way — Frank Sinatra
9. Even Flow — Pearl Jam
10. Silence Is Golden — The Tremeloes
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Caffeine Queen
I have a love-hate relationship with caffeine.
I’ve been hooked on it ever since college. My caffeine delivery system of choice: coffee. From the muddy jolt of a deceptively tiny espresso to the frothy indulgence of a gi-normous iced cappuccino, coffee has been working its mood-altering magic on my sluggish bloodstream for more than 30 years.
Once back in the ’80s I consumed more caffeine than my heart could handle. I experienced premature ventricular contractions (PVCs). Not uncommon for women in their 20s, but at the time it scared the heck out of me. There’s nothing quite like waking up from a sound sleep to feel your heart pounding out a jerky, uneven beat like a bad Ricky Ricardo conga solo.
So I laid off the coffee for a while, but it wasn’t long before I had to answer the seductive, unrelenting call of the java.
It’s a fine line upon which I trod, this border between under- and over-caffeination. My morning allotment consists of careful calculations of “caf” and “decaf,” providing just the right chemical fix to clear away the morning cobwebs, yet not to cause jitters or irritability.
I don’t always get it right.
Many’s the morning I can feel myself crashing down off my coffee buzz. And there are times when I know that to keep a lurking tension headache at bay, I’ll need three times my usual dosage. But I’m a happy slave to that cup o’ joe!
I’m sure there are those who would point to my caffeine addiction as the root of many physical problems. They have every right to recommend healthier brews like herbal tea or other alternative boosters. But old habits die hard. Tell you what – let’s make a date to discuss the matter thoroughly at the nearest Starbucks.
Playlist:
1. Java Jive — Manhattan Transfer
2. Black Coffee in Bed — Squeeze
3. Cigarettes and Coffee — Otis Redding
4. The Coffee Song — Frank Sinatra
5. Heartstopper — Emiliana Torrini
6. Black Coffee — Julie London
7. Coffee and TV — Blur
8. Coffee Mug — Descendents
9. Coffee in the Pot — Supergrass
10. Can’t Break the Habit — Merle Haggard
I’ve been hooked on it ever since college. My caffeine delivery system of choice: coffee. From the muddy jolt of a deceptively tiny espresso to the frothy indulgence of a gi-normous iced cappuccino, coffee has been working its mood-altering magic on my sluggish bloodstream for more than 30 years.
Once back in the ’80s I consumed more caffeine than my heart could handle. I experienced premature ventricular contractions (PVCs). Not uncommon for women in their 20s, but at the time it scared the heck out of me. There’s nothing quite like waking up from a sound sleep to feel your heart pounding out a jerky, uneven beat like a bad Ricky Ricardo conga solo.
So I laid off the coffee for a while, but it wasn’t long before I had to answer the seductive, unrelenting call of the java.
It’s a fine line upon which I trod, this border between under- and over-caffeination. My morning allotment consists of careful calculations of “caf” and “decaf,” providing just the right chemical fix to clear away the morning cobwebs, yet not to cause jitters or irritability.
I don’t always get it right.
Many’s the morning I can feel myself crashing down off my coffee buzz. And there are times when I know that to keep a lurking tension headache at bay, I’ll need three times my usual dosage. But I’m a happy slave to that cup o’ joe!
I’m sure there are those who would point to my caffeine addiction as the root of many physical problems. They have every right to recommend healthier brews like herbal tea or other alternative boosters. But old habits die hard. Tell you what – let’s make a date to discuss the matter thoroughly at the nearest Starbucks.
Playlist:
1. Java Jive — Manhattan Transfer
2. Black Coffee in Bed — Squeeze
3. Cigarettes and Coffee — Otis Redding
4. The Coffee Song — Frank Sinatra
5. Heartstopper — Emiliana Torrini
6. Black Coffee — Julie London
7. Coffee and TV — Blur
8. Coffee Mug — Descendents
9. Coffee in the Pot — Supergrass
10. Can’t Break the Habit — Merle Haggard
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Gray Area
Do you have gray hair yet? Maybe just a little at the temples? The salt and pepper special? Or a full-on silver headful?
Some women with gray hair never do accept and embrace it. My dear departed mother was one of them. She dyed her hair various shades of red for decades, boasting that she’d be a by-God red-haired grandmother! Of course, that was back when a lot more women applied false eyelashes and enough hairspray to create a small hole in the ozone layer.
Folks are more apt to go natural nowadays, especially men. Guys seem to be able to pull it off at any age, like Taylor Hicks and John O’Hurley (J. Peterman on “Seinfeld”). It’s the “distinguished gentleman” look.
My hair started going gray (white, actually) when I was about 35. It changed quickly to form a trio of red, brown and white highlights that some think I paid a stylist to do. I assure them it’s all God’s handiwork.
Changing colors I don’t mind. It’s the changes in texture that bother me, the “sproingers” as I call them. I’ve tweezed out more of those kinky little stinkers than I can count!
But I’m not going to get into that “does she or doesn’t she” thing. I’ll wear my snowy head with pride! And if it’s a special occasion, I’ll put on a flattering outfit and maybe a little makeup, but that messy gooey dye – whether it’s in a pricey salon or all over the bathroom towels – no way!
Truth is, I just can’t be bothered. Life’s too short! I’d rather be enjoying myself, watching a movie or playing with the dog, who by the way also has white hair and is just as beautiful as ever, and loves me no matter what color my hair is.
Playlist:
1. Shades of Gray — The Monkees
2. Changes — David Bowie
3. Cover Up — Trapt
4. Cold Gray Light of Gone — Vince Gill
5. I Am What I Am — Gloria Gaynor
6. The Real Me — The Who
7. Gray — Frank Sinatra
8. The Beauty of Gray — Live
9. Don’t Look Back — Boston
10. What You Get Is What You See — Tina Turner
Some women with gray hair never do accept and embrace it. My dear departed mother was one of them. She dyed her hair various shades of red for decades, boasting that she’d be a by-God red-haired grandmother! Of course, that was back when a lot more women applied false eyelashes and enough hairspray to create a small hole in the ozone layer.
Folks are more apt to go natural nowadays, especially men. Guys seem to be able to pull it off at any age, like Taylor Hicks and John O’Hurley (J. Peterman on “Seinfeld”). It’s the “distinguished gentleman” look.
My hair started going gray (white, actually) when I was about 35. It changed quickly to form a trio of red, brown and white highlights that some think I paid a stylist to do. I assure them it’s all God’s handiwork.
Changing colors I don’t mind. It’s the changes in texture that bother me, the “sproingers” as I call them. I’ve tweezed out more of those kinky little stinkers than I can count!
But I’m not going to get into that “does she or doesn’t she” thing. I’ll wear my snowy head with pride! And if it’s a special occasion, I’ll put on a flattering outfit and maybe a little makeup, but that messy gooey dye – whether it’s in a pricey salon or all over the bathroom towels – no way!
Truth is, I just can’t be bothered. Life’s too short! I’d rather be enjoying myself, watching a movie or playing with the dog, who by the way also has white hair and is just as beautiful as ever, and loves me no matter what color my hair is.
Playlist:
1. Shades of Gray — The Monkees
2. Changes — David Bowie
3. Cover Up — Trapt
4. Cold Gray Light of Gone — Vince Gill
5. I Am What I Am — Gloria Gaynor
6. The Real Me — The Who
7. Gray — Frank Sinatra
8. The Beauty of Gray — Live
9. Don’t Look Back — Boston
10. What You Get Is What You See — Tina Turner
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Emily's Laws of Physics
Throughout our universe, many different physical laws of nature are constantly in play – some miraculous, some mundane. Here are just a few absolutes they never taught in science class:
Fido-Vector Paradox: If you own a dog, whatever path you take to get from one place in your house to another will invariably be impeded by this sprawling, slobbering road block of canine love. I think my dog studied with Euclid.
Heisenberg Soap Uncertainty Principle: This hypothesis states that you may be aware of the soap shrinking, but you can never be certain that it’s actually too small to use until you’re already in the shower, sopping wet.
Flatware Phenomenon: When searching the dish-drainer for a clean spoon, you will without fail choose someone else’s favorite out of the mass, requiring you to pick again. Someone in your family does have a favorite spoon, right?
Schrödinger’s Lawnmower: Is your lawn mower alive or dead? You’ll only know after you’ve generously applied sunscreen and bug spray and put on your gloves, hat and goggles. Never before that!
Seasonal Plumbing Certainty: The number of times it takes to remember to unhook the hose in the fall after shutting off the valve, thereby preventing next spring’s busted pipe and subsequent $75 plumber’s fee, is exactly three.
Freshness-to-Funk Causality Loop: No matter how much laundry you do, the hamper will always be full. In fact, you can actually use E=mc2 to prove that washing the clothes more and more frequently will eventually create a wormhole that sucks the clean clothes back into the hamper before they’re even worn again.
Ford/Fission Improbability Effect: This is the unlikelihood of someone new to the area walking up to you and asking, “Do you know where I can find a really good quantum mechanic?”
Playlist:
1. Across the Universe — The Beatles
2. Secret O’ Life — James Taylor
3. I Fought the Law — Green Day
4. Isn’t Life Strange — The Moody Blues
5. That’s the Way of the World — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. How Little We Know — Frank Sinatra
7. Black Hole Sun — Soundgarden
8. The Meaning of Life — Monty Python
9. This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads
10. I Know But I Don’t Know — Blondie
Fido-Vector Paradox: If you own a dog, whatever path you take to get from one place in your house to another will invariably be impeded by this sprawling, slobbering road block of canine love. I think my dog studied with Euclid.
Heisenberg Soap Uncertainty Principle: This hypothesis states that you may be aware of the soap shrinking, but you can never be certain that it’s actually too small to use until you’re already in the shower, sopping wet.
Flatware Phenomenon: When searching the dish-drainer for a clean spoon, you will without fail choose someone else’s favorite out of the mass, requiring you to pick again. Someone in your family does have a favorite spoon, right?
Schrödinger’s Lawnmower: Is your lawn mower alive or dead? You’ll only know after you’ve generously applied sunscreen and bug spray and put on your gloves, hat and goggles. Never before that!
Seasonal Plumbing Certainty: The number of times it takes to remember to unhook the hose in the fall after shutting off the valve, thereby preventing next spring’s busted pipe and subsequent $75 plumber’s fee, is exactly three.
Freshness-to-Funk Causality Loop: No matter how much laundry you do, the hamper will always be full. In fact, you can actually use E=mc2 to prove that washing the clothes more and more frequently will eventually create a wormhole that sucks the clean clothes back into the hamper before they’re even worn again.
Ford/Fission Improbability Effect: This is the unlikelihood of someone new to the area walking up to you and asking, “Do you know where I can find a really good quantum mechanic?”
Playlist:
1. Across the Universe — The Beatles
2. Secret O’ Life — James Taylor
3. I Fought the Law — Green Day
4. Isn’t Life Strange — The Moody Blues
5. That’s the Way of the World — Earth, Wind & Fire
6. How Little We Know — Frank Sinatra
7. Black Hole Sun — Soundgarden
8. The Meaning of Life — Monty Python
9. This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads
10. I Know But I Don’t Know — Blondie
