With everyone texting and twittering these days, I have a feeling some kids aren’t learning proper phone etiquette anymore.
I remember as a kid being taught to answer the phone “Schoen residence, Emily Schoen speaking.” Short and sweet, direct and helpful. Not like what I hear nowadays.
Of course back then (somewhere in the mid-Paleolithic era), people had the advantage of knowing that if they were calling someone and the phone stopped ringing, it was because someone was actually on the other end. These days you’re more likely to reach someone’s answering machine than you are a real person.
That’s as much due to Caller ID as it is answering machines; we’ve all pretended we’re not home so we don’t have to talk to an unwanted caller. A hopeful “Hello!” has been replaced with this yell to whatever family member is nearest the dreaded home phone: “Don't answer! Let the machine pick up!”
Here are some tips on leaving messages:
* Don’t assume I recognize your voice. Always identify yourself. Follow this by stating your telephone number. Many callers have assumed I have Caller ID and redial. Sadly, they’ll never hear back from me because they didn’t leave their number.
* Don’t yell into your phone. This causes a distortion that’s like trying to make out what Peter Frampton is saying on those songs where he uses the vocoder. So much of life is distorted – I don’t need another thing that’s hard to figure out!
* On the other hand, don’t mutter into your phone like you’ve just had a shot of Novocaine. Speak clearly and slowly. A little consideration will make life easier for everyone concerned.
* Keep it short, and stick to the basics. For an invitation, give me the event, the date, the time and place, and any cost. I might have one of those answering machines that only allows 30-second messages.
* Kids: answering the phone should not be a chance to show off your vocal power. Calling “Mom!” at the top of your lungs doesn’t work unless you’re on the high-dive at the swimming pool. Just put the phone down gently, walk over to mom and tell her she has a phone call. And Mom: you might want to ratchet down “Wheel of Fortune” just a bit before coming on the line.
* And finally, a plea for sanity with regard to outgoing message greetings. We don’t really care what your favorite song is, and we shouldn’t have to sit through it before leaving our message. And if you have a child, please for God's sake don’t record your 4-year-old for your outgoing greeting. The kid may be adorable, but sometimes the phone is a business tool. Someone doesn’t want to have to hear baby-talk in order to leave a message for daddy about that job he’s getting. No? OK, well maybe they’ll just hang up and go to the next guy on the list!
Playlist:
1. The Message - Grandmaster Flash
2. Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
3. A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley
4. Who Are You - The Who
5. I Think I Can Hear You - Carole King
6. Speak Softly Love - Andy Williams
7. The Great Pretender - The Platters
8. Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas
9. Treat Me Right - Pat Benatar
10. I've Gotta Get a Message to You - Bee Gees
Playlist:
1. The Message - Grandmaster Flash
2. Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
3. A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley
4. Who Are You - The Who
5. I Think I Can Hear You - Carole King
6. Speak Softly Love - Andy Williams
7. The Great Pretender - The Platters
8. Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas
9. Treat Me Right - Pat Benatar
10. I've Gotta Get a Message to You - Bee Gees
